Destiel Headcanons, Drabbles, Oneshots
by Secretlyademigodinthetardis
Summary: Destiel drabbles, headcanons and oneshots. Expect plenty of fluff and AUs, rated M for possible smut/language. Will probably never be complete, I'm working on putting my other oneshots in here, but a lot of them are published separately too, I just wanted some order to them. Unbeta'd. Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural
1. Chapter 1

**So I've made this just to chuck in all my random headcanons, regardless of their fandom. Most likely going to be pure Destiel, knowing me. Don't expect amazing grammar or well-structured sentences because they'll basically be me rambling to myself.**

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Destiel 1

So Team Free Will has sent the angels back to heaven, and that's it. They're done. Castiel decides to stay human, finding he likes the new experiences it provides. They restore Bobby's old house, leaving the bunker to younger, fresher hunters. Dean has his own room and Sam returns to Amelia, living with her in house down the road. Cas claims the spare room at Dean's place because he has nowhere else to go, and they slowly just get more and more domestic, enjoying each other's company and just adjusting to a normal life. One day Dean's attempting to make pie and Cas gets a crapload of flour on his hands and puts floury handprints all over Dean's ass, shocking the ex-hunter and causing him to chuck even more flour everywhere. They slowly start just having accidental touches more and more and then one day Cas realises he accidentally fell asleep in Dean's bed after they had a drinking competition. Dean's asleep next to him with his arms around him and Cas just falls asleep again hugging Dean back and in the morning Dean wakes up and Cas looks at him and they just smile and Dean kisses him and they make breakfast. The spare room is only ever used for Sam and Amelia when they stay the night now because Cas is never going to not be sleeping in Dean's bed. And Sam finds out because one day he walks into the house and sees flour everywhere and Dean and Cas in the kitchen covered in floury handprints making out and he just smiles and walks out without saying anything.


	2. Chapter 2

**More Destiel**

*When working on a case, someone asks if they're together*

Sam is suddenly very interested in the bookcase on the far wall, and heads over to investigate.

Dean starts stuttering and gabbling and going 'umm I uhh what? What I don't...shut up...I just...well, you see, it's like….ungh'

Meanwhile Cas is slightly confused and does his head tilt and says 'I don't understand. Are you suggesting a romantic attachment? Dean is my soulmate, if that is what you mean' and Dean just goes bright red and stares at the floor, but then Cas takes his hand and they look at each other and Cas has this soft look in his eyes as he looks at his hunter and Dean just melts and smiles at him before taking his hand more firmly and saying 'so yeah, I guess you could say we're together'.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Saw a gif of them with their arms folded grumpily, and yeah.**

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Destiel 3

Dean and Cas leaned against opposing walls, arms folded. This particular argument had been particularly brutal, with Bobby and Sam finally telling them, "we ain't coming back until you two are nice to each other" The two men refused to look at one another, determinedly staring at the floor – or the wall space right next to Dean's head, in Cas' case. Eventually, they caught one another's eyes. Dean grunted. "Well, I'm not saying anything." "Me neither," came the response. Dean gradually became more and more frustrated at the man, glaring at him while Cas avoided his gaze. "Well fine you ass, I bet you're just gonna stand there and ignore me, huh? Well try ignore this you flaming douchewad!" Dean grabbed the fallen angel and kissed him. Cas was briefly stunned, unsure of how to respond to such an unprecedented action, before kissing the hunter back and revelling in finally having the hunter's lips against his own. "Sorry for yelling," Dean mumbled into his mouth. "Me too," Cas whispered back.

Bobby and Sam came back a few hours later, peering into the lounge cautiously. The two men lay on the old, battered couch, naked except for the trench coat that covered them. Cas' head lay on Dean's chest, and their arms were wrapped firmly around one another. "They better not have stained my damn couch," Bobby grunted. Sam, shocked by the sight but not surprised, simply smiled. Dean's arms tightened around Cas, and a small smile was gracing both of their faces as they slept on.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I got the idea from a tumblr gifset. This happens a lot. Also my first sad ending, because I'm pissed about the Thinman episode. Also published as a separate thing because of it's length - called 'I love you, Dean Winchester'.**

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Castiel stood over the small mound of dirt, unsure of what to do. Sam, understanding, clapped him on the shoulder before walking back to the Impala – that one thing that was guaranteed to bring back all those memories – to be with his own grief. Castiel sighed, looking at the grey marble slab that had a photograph set in. A handsome face smiled out of the photo, green eyes still piercing Castiel's like they had every moment since he first saw them.

_In loving memory of Dean Winchester,_ the tombstone read, _beloved Son, Brother and Friend._

It wasn't fitting, it wasn't _right,_ that this was all that would remain of Dean. This, and the memories that Castiel and Sam clung to, memories of Dean's smile, his laughter, the way the light bounced off his hair, his green eyes that noticed everything yet gave away nothing, and the way they crinkled at the edges when he looked at Castiel.

Castiel ran his tongue over his chapped lips, and he felt tears gather in the corners of his eyes.

"Hello Dean…" his voice rasped as his throat constricted.

"Dean, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't get to you in time. I'm sorry I can't bring you back again. I'm not really sure what to say, Dean. Sam assures me that you will be interested no matter what I say. He told me to tell you about what we're doing now.  
I regained my Grace. I'm an angel now. It was purely accidental, but it happened. We've restored the angels to Heaven as well. I just did not want to abandon your brother. I know you wouldn't want that. But it means I can't follow you, either. I wanted to, so badly.  
Dean, I….I don't know how to say this. Even with you gone, I still can't. Expressing emotions was always difficult for me, particularly when I am not supposed to have them. But you changed that.  
You made me question my orders. You made me feel….so many things, Dean. Anger, hatred, fear, jealousy. But also kindness, empathy, sympathy….and love.  
And, dare I say it, all towards you.  
I know it's late. I should have said it sooner, when you were here to listen. You would have hated me, but I should have done it anyway. Because now I never can.  
I love you, Dean Winchester."

Castiel closed his eyes against the stinging that threatened tears. He would not cry, _would not cry,_ in front of Sam. A hand landed on his shoulder. Large, warm and familiar.

"Hey, Cas"

Castiel spun round as a husky voice spoke his name.

"Cas, I…."

That was all he was able to hear as the ghost of Dean Winchester smiled at him, but flickered and vanished before any more was said.

Castiel sank to his knees and gave in to the tears.

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**AN: IT'S OKAY I'M WORKING ON THINGS THAT ARE HAPPY EVERYTHING ELSE I'VE WRITTEN HAS A PRETTY HAPPY ENDING**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: A random idea for a oneshot I had. Cas is in college, Dean is his best friend who is left behind in Lawrence.**

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The package arrived as Dean was in the back room, trying to work out how to sort out Mr Adler's accounts before the music store owner realised how shitty he was at math and fired him.

"Dean! Package for you!" Jo yelled from the shop floor. She walked in, lugging a large cardboard box, and slammed it on the table in front of him. Dean looked at her in confusion.

"What? Who from?"

"I don't know, it just has your name and this address on it. Open it!"

Dean ripped off the duct tape – immaculately wrapped around the box, he noticed – and opened the box. There, on top of a layer of bubble wrap, was a brief handwritten note.

_Dean,_

_I saw these in a store and thought of you. I therefore purchased them and mailed them to you for your enjoyment. _

_Castiel (Or 'Cas' as you insist on referring to me as)_

Dean was speechless. Castiel – Cas – his best friend, was at college the next state over, studying architecture. Last time they spoke – less than a week ago – Cas hadn't even mentioned sending him something. Dean swallowed the unexpected lump in his throat, and Jo, who was still standing by him, smiled.

"That was real sweet of him"

"Yeah," Dean cleared his throat, sounding more raspy than normal, "Yeah it was"

"Dean, you have, like, an hour left on your shift. Go home and take this monster with you. I'll cover you"

To her surprise, Dean didn't even protest, simply grabbing the box and heading to his car outside.

* * *

When Sam arrived home to the apartment he shared with his brother, he was not expecting to find Dean lying on the couch, belting out the words to Air Supply's 'All Out of Love'. He also did not expect to see a huge box, packed to the brim with vinyl records, lying next to the couch, with one on the old turntable they'd inherited from their father playing.

"Dean?"

Dean looked up, and Sam pretended to not notice the fact that the rims of Dean's eyes were red.

"Why are you using the record player? I haven't seen it used since….well, since before Dad….died"

Dean shifted, clearly uncomfortable.

"Yeah, well, Cas sent me some stuff. Thought I might give it a listen"

That explained it. Sam walked into the kitchen, and found the note Cas had left in the box. He smiled, and didn't complain once, not even when Dean was still up at 4am, making his way through each and every album with meticulous care and singing along, and Sam had a lecture at 8am the next day.

The temptation to slap his brother was still there, though.

* * *

Castiel finally came home a few months later, having finished his degree. He walked out of the airport terminal, and beamed – which was quite odd, as he was usually more reserved – at the sight of the Winchester brothers waiting for him. However, before anyone could get a word out, Dean strode forward. He placed a hand on Castiel's shoulders, and looked him in the eyes before saying 'I, uhh….I got your package, Cas"

Castiel went pink.

"Yes, well, I thought you would enjoy them. Did you not? Because I can – mmf!"

His babbling was interrupted by Dean leaning in and kissing him. Castiel dropped his bags and threw his arms around Dean's neck, deepening the kiss. Sam, forgotten, looked away awkwardly, but not before muttering 'finally!' to himself under his breath.

Once the two men surfaced for air, Dean hugged Castiel tightly.

"We're dating now, okay?" he mumbled into the man's ear, breathing somewhat raggedly.

"Okay," Castiel whispered back happily, relaxing into Dean's embrace.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Short, but yeah. There we go. Mild Destiel**

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Hiking

The three men stood at the edge of the precipice, gazing at the view before them in awe. The Winchester brothers were glad Castiel had managed to convince them to take this break – Team Free Will did need a week off from hunting, even if they refused to acknowledge it. However, Dean had refused to do anything less than hiking through the Rockies, because it had been a lifelong dream of his (he'd never mentioned it, but once Castiel had found it in his thoughts and asked him, there was no way he was doing anything else), and Sam and Castiel had complied, unable to say no to the childlike, hopeful look in the man's eyes. They stood there for a while, simply taking in the scenery before them. Mountains dominated the scene, covered in patches of grey and vibrant, shocking green where trees interrupted the slate coloured ground.

Dean smiled as he took it all in, and Sam pretended not to notice as his older brother reached out and took the angel's hand. Castiel briefly glanced down at their entwined hands before gripping Dean's firmly, and the three men continued to stand there, content to just observe peace for once.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Some random Destiel fluff. Also published separately under 'Holding Hands'.**

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Silence reigned in the motel room. Dean – in a separate room to Sam after arguing over when they would return to the bunker – lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling.

_I just want someone to talk to, for fuck's sake,_ he thought to himself.

Only he never had anyone. And when someone became close enough, he did the only thing that came naturally, and pushed them away. Dean closed his eyes and told the voices in his head to shut up while he slept.

On the edge of his hearing, there was a faint flutter of wings.

Dean didn't bother opening his eyes.

"Hey, Cas"

"Hello Dean"

Dean cracked one eyelid open. Castiel was standing over him as he lay on the old bed, looking down at Dean's naked chest with a faint look of interest. Dean hurriedly pulled up the covers, the tips of his ears turning red.

"Dude, Cas, we talked about this"

"Of course, I'm sorry," Castiel walked over to the window, lost in thought. Dean sat up.

"Cas, you alright man?"

Cas sighed and rested a hand on the dirty windowsill.

"I just….needed a friend, Dean."

Worry gnawed at Dean's stomach.

"Cas, what's wrong?"

Cas didn't look at him.

"Cas!"

"I'm being cast out, Dean"

Dean stared at him in stunned silence.

"You're….you're what?"

"Kicked out, let go, thrown away, must I be any clearer?"

"Of _Heaven?"_

"Yes, Dean"

"But why?"

Cas finally looked at him, and Dean saw the hunted look in his friends eyes, the way he held himself. Anyone else would only see Castiel's usual stoic appearance, but Dean could read him like a book.

"I've spent far too much time on Earth, Dean. I've started to feel emotions, and directly participate in human affairs. Angels aren't meant to do so, and I'm now more human than angel. I only have enough power to fly , and soon that will be gone too."

"Shit, Cas," Dean breathed, getting out of bed and crossing the room despite the fact that he was only in his boxers. "There anything we can do?"

The fallen angel turned to look at him, and Dean would never, ever admit to how his breath hitched at how close they found themselves and the way Castiel looked at him. Castiel swallowed, and Dean followed the bobbing of his Adam's apple with his eyes before realising what he was doing, and quickly looked back up to the guy's face to see if he'd noticed.

Castiel's face gave nothing away as he responded, "No, Dean. Maybe if I'd acted earlier…..if I'd returned to Heaven sooner and stopped my…Earthly wanderings after the Apocalypse, maybe. But it's too late, and I am sorry."

"The hell are you sorry for, man?"

"I will be Graceless, and therefore useless. I suppose you won't need me anymore."

Dean wrapped his arms around a suddenly confused angel, and pulled him into a rough, warm hug, letting his chin rest on his shoulder.

"Of course I'll need you, man. You're family. We watch out for each other. I want you to stick around, whether you have mojo or not."

"Dean. What are you doing?"

"'m hugging you, idiot. Traditionally, you hug someone back when they do this," Dean grunted into his best friends shoulder, determinedly ignoring the butterflies that erupted as his skin brushed against the material of Castiel's clothes. Castiel nervously raised his arms and placed them around Dean, and the hunter suppressed a small smile at how awkward the fallen angel was.

"Dean…I've never done this before."

"It's cool, dude, gets better with practice."

They pulled apart and smiled at each other for what seemed like an endless amount of time, before Dean coughed awkwardly and looked away.

"Dean"

"What?"

"I – " Cas yawned.

"You're tired?"

"I believe that this is what I am feeling, yes"

Dean let out a bark of laughter.

"Let's sleep, come on," he made his way to the bed, but Castiel stayed put.

"Where will I sleep?"

"…in bed?"

"Oh"

"Cas, get that stick outta your ass, take off the fuckin' trench coat, get into whatever's comfy outta what you're wearing, get into bed, and go the fuck to sleep, PLEASE. It's 4am, man, and we're heading out at 8"

* * *

The two men finally lay in bed next to one another, staring at the ceiling like Dean had been before Castiel showed up. There was a good few inches of space between them, and Dean felt it like a lost limb, yearning to just get the courage to stretch out his hand over the brief space and at least graze the soft skin of Castiel's hand with his own rough, calloused fingers.

He took a deep breath, but before he could do anything, Castiel spoke.

"Thank you, Dean"

Dean turned his head. Castiel was looking at him with a soft smile on his face, and Dean's heart clenched painfully. Cas was looking at him like…like he was the fuckin' Messiah reborn or some shit. Cas looked happy, and Dean felt another twist in his chest as he realised that he had never seen Cas like this, with his eyes all shiny and…stuff.

Dean could only smile in response, heart too full – too damn _full,_ Winchester, what the hell is wrong with you? – to say anything back, and they both returned to gazing at the ceiling, half asleep. Dean slowly drifted off, but was jerked back into wakefulness by a hand suddenly gripping his firmly.

He looked over. Castiel was fast asleep, snoring lightly. Dean looked at their clasped hands in wonder, thumb gently brushing over the back of Castiel's hand, before falling asleep too, a smile on his face for the first time in God knows how long. (Screw that, not even God knew anymore).

* * *

Sam knocked on the door. He'd been waiting for a good 10 minutes for Dean to show up outside, and he was worried. Dean wasn't normally so late, especially since he'd been the one nagging Sam to go back 'home' to the bunker.

"Dean?" He used the key Dean had given him to let himself in, and peered round the door.

There, lying in bed, was Dean, asleep. But he wasn't alone. His arms were wrapped securely around Castiel, who had his head lying on Dean's bare chest. Each man held the other – even in their sleep – as if he was the most precious thing to walk the Earth, and they had smiles on their faces.

Sam backed out the room, and locked the door, a small smile gracing his own features.

He could use a couple more hours of sleep, anyway.

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**AN: You know, review and stuff please**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: So I saw this post on tumblr of a gifset where Dean says 'when?' and Cas says 'now', and then takes off his belt and someone had said 'can there be a fanfiction of this moment please?' so yeah. This is my take on it, and I hope it is seen and that people like it because I wrote it and posted it within half an hour. Check out my other stories that are hopefully better quality! There is some badly written smutty stuff - nothing too graphic, but yeah.**

**EDIT: Okay I wrote a sort of sequel to this. It's called "The Request", if you want to take a look. **

**EDIT EDIT: I have also written one for after "The Request", called "The Marriage", so yeah. I'm also adding these three to my Headcanons and drabbles collection, if you want to check them out.**

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**When? Now**

Dean and Castiel stared at each other, breathing hard, the world around them dissolving to nothingness as they lost themselves in the others' eyes. Sam had left for the safety of his room, muttering something about research and sleep after Dean had finally, _finally_ lost his cool during yet another argument and yelled at Cas what he had been suppressing from the moment they met: that he was stupidly, gloriously, and irrevocably in love with the fallen angel. Cas had flushed red, looking at the ground, then the wall, and finally the door before gazing at Dean – blue eyes meeting green – and quietly replying with the words that changed everything.

"And I am in love with you, Dean Winchester"

Dean cleared his throat, blinking stupidly.

"You….you what?"

"Do you not remember? Everything I did since we met, I have done for you. I brought you out of Hell, I fell from Heaven, I helped avert the Apocalypse, I opened Purgatory, I brought your brother – and then his soul – back from Hell, I resisted Naomi, I Fell – _again _– and I became a Hunter…..all for you."

"Cas…I….."

"Dean. Please, stop talking."

"Sorry"

"Dean, I am not…experienced with these human emotions and customs as much as I would like to be, but I do know one thing"

There was a long pause. Dean shifted uncomfortably.

"Dean you can talk now"

"Oh, right," Dean chuckled awkwardly as he blushed. "So, uhh, what was that one thing?"

"I would like for us to make love, Dean"

Dean gulped and stared at Cas, the awkward ex-angel who had done so much for him. Who was standing there with his astonishingly blue eyes and his messy hair, waiting for Dean to say something.

Wait, shit. He needed to say something. His turn to talk. Right.

"When?"

_DID I SERIOUSLY JUST SAY THAT?_

Cas sighed, and began to remove his belt. Dean couldn't help himself as his gaze wondered up and down Cas' body, memorising the muted contours that were barely visible through the ill-fitting suit. His breath caught as Cas unthinkingly licked his lips, not quite realising the effect such a small action had on Dean.

"Now."

* * *

Dean's brain shorted out at that, and he instinctively took a step forward, wrapped his arms around Castiel, and gave in to the temptation that he had been denying for far too long. Lips met lips, and as Cas' tongue gently probed its way into Dean's mouth, a low moan was let out - by whom, neither could tell, because by this point they were so tangled up with one another that it was impossible to tell where one man ended and the other began.

Dean broke off for air, and his voice came out huskier and rougher than it had ever been, thick with desire and want and _love_.

"Bedroom. Now."

Cas could only nod, and they raced to Dean's bedroom, tearing through the bunker as if it were their last night on Earth. The door was slammed shut, with Dean shoved up against the inside of it. Cas practically attacked his mouth, drawing out gasps and cries from the hunter (and Dean would never, EVER admit to anyone the noises he made when Cas was doing this), and clothes were ripped off and cast aside carelessly.

Somehow, they made it to the bed, and here it suddenly got a whole lot slower, more careful, as each of them took stock of the other. Both were shirtless, and Dean's eyes roamed over Cas' more lean form while Cas gazed at Dean's hard muscles and various scars. Slowly - too slowly - Dean leaned forward and finished what Cas had started, properly removing the belt, taking his time as he undressed the only man he would ever truly love. Castiel bit his lip, sighing with pleasure and tilting his head back.

Dean was startled at just how much Cas was getting off from simply having his pants removed. Then again, Dean was no better. He could feel his rock solid erection straining against his underwear and jeans, and wondered just how long he was going to last after this.

* * *

Long enough, as it turned out. Dean lay on his side, staring at Cas in wonder as his - he could finally say _his_ - angel slept. Cas would always be his angel, even if he had fallen. He smiled, drawing the sleeping man closer to him. Cas smiled in his sleep as if in response, tucking himself into Dean's embrace and burying his face into his neck.

Pure bliss coursed through Dean as he recalled their frantic lovemaking, and he held Cas all the tighter as images of that perfect face, crying out in ecstasy with blue eyes locked onto Dean's, flashed through his mind. The flushed face that was somehow even more of a turn on, the well-muscled thighs that gripped him as Cas rode him unmercifully, the hands that found his shoulders and the palm that placed itself directly over the mark Cas had left on Dean's shoulder and soul when he pulled him from Hell - they were all Dean's.

Forever.

And Dean, finally happy, finally able to drift off into a peaceful sleep for the first time since he was four years old, didn't mind one bit.

* * *

Two doors down, Sam sat on his bed and stared at the wall in a daze, horrified.

He was happy for his brother and Castiel, but they really could have kept the noise down.

**FIN**

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**Reviews are welcome! PS that was the first time I've ever written something that smuttily graphic, so please let me know how it went. I was going to just leave it after Cas said 'now', but then I didn't, and that happened.**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Okay so this is based off a tumblr post that I saw from sassy-cassy-winchester who wanted something about a marriage proposal based off a pic. So here's my attempt, I hope you like it!**

**Sort of a sequel to my oneshot 'When? Now', which you should totally check out because I said so. Also followed by "The Marriage", which kind of speaks for itself.**

**OKAY I AM ADDING THIS TO MY COLLECTION OF HEADCANONS AND DRABBLES AS WELL AS "WHEN? NOW" AND "THE MARRIAGE" **

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**The Request**

_January 24__th__, 2016_

The garden was so serene, so peaceful, that Castiel could feel himself calming down despite the butterflies that was starting an all-out rebellion in his stomach. He nervously gripped the roses clutched in one hand behind his back, and thumbed his pocket, taking solace in the feel of the small box in his pocket.

"Cas, you okay? What's wrong? Why did you want me to meet you here?"

Castiel's mouth dried at the sight of Dean approaching. The ex-hunter approached the fallen angel, his green eyes worried as they took in the sight of Castiel's nervous state.

"Cas?"

"Dean…I…..I don't know how to…."

"Cas, what is it?" Dean's voice took on a worried tone and he moved even closer to the man he had fallen in love with.

Dean and Castiel's relationship was complicated, yet simple. Castiel was a full human now, and after a heated argument in the bunker one night they had finally realised how they felt about one another. Dean had eventually quit hunting, realising that he had found the one person he could settle down with, and never looked back. Castiel, for his part, regarded Dean as Home.

They'd restored Bobby's home, and helped the angels return to Heaven. A happy ending was had by all, and Sam had returned to Amelia.

Dean's paranoia took hold, and he looked at Castiel with a renewed fear.

"Cas….are you leaving me?"

At this, Castiel broke out of whatever had been holding him back.

"God, no Dean! I would never do that! Just….hold on a second, okay?"

"Okay," Dean replied, still looking cautious.

Castiel produced the roses he had behind his back, and looked into Dean's eyes.

"Dean Winchester. As soon as I lay my hand upon you in Hell, I was gone. We have fought together, we have fought one another. I have died for you countless times, and you have done the same. You are a beautiful, strong, irritatingly stubborn man, and I would sacrifice the world and my life for you time and time again even if you did not, by some miracle of my father, love me in return. There is no human like you, Dean, and I am humbled every day by the fact that you are mine. So….I…." and here, Castiel looked at the ground, because the look in Dean's eyes was far too much for him to be able to look at and retain his nerve.

Dean leaned forward, putting a hand under Castiel's chin and lifting his head to meet his gaze once more.

"Cas?"

Castiel pulled away slightly and dropped to one knee, pulling out the box within his pocket.

"I am still rather awkward with human traditions, but I feel like this is one I must embrace. Dean Winchester, will you be my husband?"

Dean stared at him.

"Dean?"

Dean coughed, mouth dry.

"Cas, I…" his voice cracked, and he tried again.

"Cas, you friggin'…..you're…..yeah, of course I'll marry you, ya freakin' idiot angel"

And he fell to his knees in front of Castiel, wrapping his arms around him. Castiel, stunned, took a moment before hugging Dean in response, and the two men clung to each other as if they were the only thing on the planet that kept them alive. Which, if you think about it, they were. Castiel smiled into Dean's shoulder, and whispered "Happy Birthday, Dean".

* * *

Sam and Amelia, who had been visiting for the weekend, found them later lying on the ground, holding each other close and staring into the other's eyes as they stroked the other's face gently and smiled. They walked away quickly, knowing they had been unnoticed, and Sam smiled when he saw the ring that Dean now wore on his finger, and he knew that Dean would never take it off.

* * *

**So, yeah. Thoughts? **


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: This is the third part to my "When? Now" 'verse thing. It's something that's sort of accidentally happened. Yeah, so this is them getting married after Cas proposed in "The Request", which took place after "When? Now". I might add to this 'verse, so I'm putting it in my Headcanons/Drabbles thing as well as it's own oneshot because it can be read as a stand alone piece as well. But it's cooler if you read "When? Now" and "The Request" before this.**

**WARNING: Severe fluff, smut and language because Dean has no filter.**

* * *

The Marriage

It had been exactly one year, seven months and twenty-five days, since Castiel had asked Dean to marry him, and Dean had said yes. Dean had been counting, and he knew that it was the perfect date – September 18. The anniversary of the day Castiel had pulled Dean out of Hell, and now, it would also be their wedding anniversary.

Dean drank in the sight before him, sure that he would never get tired of it. Those clear blue eyes, that dark, tousled hair, faint stubble on his cheeks….and the smile. Castiel smiled rarely, at least to those who didn't know him as well as Dean did. Dean could read Castiel like a book, and knew when the man was angry, worried, scared, happy, sad, horny…..all by simply looking at his eyes. There was always a small twinkle in them when he looked at Dean, like Dean was his entire world.

And Dean was totally okay with that.

Castiel approached from the other side of the altar. They'd agreed that neither of them would walk down the aisle – what was the point? – and the wedding was in the small orchard that Castiel had proposed in. There were only a few guests – Sam, Amelia, Jody, Charlie, Kevin, Mrs Tran, and a few angels – and they sat in mismatched chairs (aside from Sam, who stood near Dean, and Gabriel - brought miraculously back from the dead once more, and standing near Castiel), watching as a terrified looking Chuck presided over the ceremony.

They'd wanted it this way, a small, quiet ceremony with only the people that they loved with them. And as it turns out, Chuck had been alive the whole time, and was in fact Castiel's missing father.

Still didn't change the fact that he could barely control his nervous stutter as he tried desperately not to fuck up what would be the only wedding he could ever see himself officiating at. You couldn't really beat _God _marrying you, could you?

Dean's eyes lit up as he looked at Castiel, and his mouth dried. He coughed slightly, before saying "Hey there, handsome".

Castiel leaned in, as if about to impart some great secret, and murmured "we both look very nice, Dean," still looking at the man with that sheer adoration in his eyes. Dean smiled.

"Yeah," he replied, unable to stop the fond smile that refused to leave his face.

At this, Castiel gave one of his rare, beautiful smiles, and Dean knew, like he had always known, that he wanted to see Castiel smile like that every day for the rest of….well, forever, and that he wanted to be the one that made him smile like that.

Chuck cleared his throat nervously.

"Um, so…did you guys want me to do the whole 'we are gathered here today' thing, or what?" he asked, looking from one to the other. Dean and Castiel shared a look before turning back to him.

"Why don't we just go right to the vows? We already know why we're here" Dean suggested, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Castiel nod in affirmation. Chuck visibly relaxed.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. Dean, why don't you go first"

Well, now Dean was terrified. What if what he'd written – with Sam alternating between laughing at him and helping him – wasn't enough?

Nothing to do but say it and hope for the best.

"Cas…." He rasped, and cleared his throat before trying again. "Castiel….I don't even know how to describe what you mean to me, man. You know how much I hate stupid chick flick moments, but this isn't stupid. At all. I don't even care that my family – what's left of it – can hear me, because you make me not care. You have done so much for me. You pulled me out of Hell, you rebelled against Heaven, you screwed up royally time and time again, and you became a human…and you did it all for me. And you always came when I needed you most. You're so amazing, and I know I don't deserve you, but I'm gonna do my best for the rest of my life, and long after that, to make you happy. And to keep you safe, and to try and make sure that I somehow repay everything you've done for me. Don't ever change, Cas. I need you so much. And I know I'm shit with words – fuck, sorry, I keep swearing – but if I know one thing, it's that I love you. And I am so glad that I can say it to you."

He finished, and the pair stared at each other, eyes wet with tears that were never (_ever,_ if Dean had anything to say about it) going to spill. After a good long minute of this, Sam cleared his throat, and Gabriel gave a marginally less subtle nudge to Castiel with his elbow.

"Oh, right. Um…" Castiel began. "Dean Winchester. You know how bad I am with expressing myself in a socially acceptable manner, and have pointed it out to me with an alarming frequency over the years. However, I have been improving, and I have a few things I would like to say.  
The moment I laid a hand on you in Hell, my entire world changed. I lived in Heaven for two millennia studying humanity, and yet I knew nothing of it until I met you. Angels are not supposed to feel human emotions, and you made me feel so much. Because of you, I have felt anger, I have felt jealousy, passion, happiness, sadness, despair, joy, and love. I never thought that I would be lucky enough to have a place in your heart, let alone be the one to stand here opposite you. I know this is what you would refer to as 'incredibly corny', but before I met you, my world was in greys, blacks and whites, and I didn't even know it. When I raised you from Hell, you put colour into my world, and you have been filling my life with your vibrancy, your life, your bravery and strength, and your incredible capacity to love. I am forever grateful to you, Dean Winchester, and I will love you even beyond death."

Completely ignoring everyone, Dean reached out before hauling Castiel to him and kissing him. Castiel kissed him back, and Chuck stood there awkwardly as Sam and Gabriel rolled their eyes at their brothers' disregard for ceremony.

"Okay, so um you may now kiss….but you're already doing that. So yeah, um, when you're ready, we can do the ring thing?"

Dean and Castiel broke apart, a faint blush on their cheeks, and no Dean totally didn't have a tear running down his cheek, and Castiel totally didn't brush it away with a small smile. Sam and Gabriel held out the rings, and with the utmost care the two men placed the rings they had chosen on the other's finger, eyes meeting as they smiled at one another.

"Okay, now you can kiss. _Again_"

And they did, to the cheers of the small audience.

* * *

Sam was forever grateful that he no longer lived with Dean. The shit-eating grin that had stayed on his brother's face the entire remainder of the day had been enough, not to mention the way he and Castiel practically ran into the house afterwards to start on their honeymoon (staying the night at what had once been Bobby's home, and then taking off in the Impala to a small cabin up north). He and Amelia walked down the road back home, arms around one another under the starry sky.

Meanwhile, inside their home, Dean and Castiel were in the middle of it, Castiel burying himself inside Dean as they cried out fiercely. Castiel would never cease to be amazed at his hunter, the way he was able to go so quickly from one mood to the next and still remain so unmistakeably _Dean_. Currently, the former angel was unable to take his eyes from Dean's face as the man wrapped his legs around him, whimpering in ecstasy as he stared right back.

Once they had both ridden out their orgasms, whispering "I love you" into the other's mouth as if it was a secret that no one else would know, they lay on the bed, too exhausted to care about the mess. Dean suddenly grinned, catching Castiel off guard.

"What?"

Dean pulled his newly-made husband even closer under the sheets, hiding his face in the thick dark hair and hugging him tightly as he said "Wedding sex is amazing".

They drifted off to sleep like that, holding one another and promising themselves they would never let go.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: So here's a small ficlet drabble thing I wrote based off a post I saw on tumblr that had a picture of a Hairdresser's called "Castiel's". So yeah. Based after season 8, except Sam isn't possessed.**

**EDIT: So I was flicking through this last night on my phone and realised there were a bunch of mistakes so the first thing I've done today is edit this because it was killing me. Sorry!**

* * *

The bell jingled as the door swung open and hit the wall with a thud. Dean and Sam strode in, taking stock of their unusual surroundings.

"Cas? You in here?" Dean called out uncertainly.

The curtain to the back rustled before being moved aside, and Castiel, former angel of the lord, half ran out, before seeing the pair of hunters and stopping in shock.

"Sam? Dean?" He asked in disbelief.

"Cas? This is what you do now? I mean, I knew you had some…odd tastes, but this is a new one," Sam said as he stepped forward.

Castiel looked down before responding.

"Well, I didn't want to be found by anyone, and this seemed pretty 'incognito'"

_He even used his fingers for quotation marks, _Dean noted fondly, before giving himself a mental slap.

"Well, Cas, naming your hairdressing business 'Castiel's' wasn't exactly the right way to stay anonymous."

Yeah. Castiel – once an angel of the lord, the guy who saved Dean from Hell, molotov'd Archangel Michael, dealt with the demon Crowley to open Purgatory, swallowed thousands of souls, became God, then became trapped in Purgatory for a year, defied the orders of Naomi, and unwittingly helped Metatron orchestrate the banishment of all angels from Heaven – now ran a small hairdressing business in Maine.

Castiel blushed.

"So, why are you two here? I was under the impression that I was not someone you would want around, considering what I have done."

Sam and Dean looked at one another. Dean shrugged helplessly, knowing what he wanted to say but not knowing _how_.

"Cas, of course we want you. You're our family. We know you didn't mean to shut off Heaven, and we forgave you for all the other crap you did because that's what family does."

"But I'm useless. I've lost all my power, Sam, what could you possibly want ME for? I'm a 'baby in a trench coat' now, without the trench coat."

At this, Dean spoke up.

"The hell do you mean, 'what could we want you for?'? It's what Sam said, Cas. You're family. We take care of each other. It doesn't matter if you're stuck without your mojo, we need you. _I_ need you."

There was a pause as Dean and Cas stared at each other while Sam shifted from one foot to another, before clearing his throat impatiently.

"Oh! Right," Dean smirked. "There is one thing you can do for us, Cas…."

"What, Dean?"

"Fix Sammy's hair."

* * *

Sam sat in the chair, utterly terrified. Scissors, blow dryers, straighteners, and a whole assortment of lethal looking instruments were laid out in a clinical, professional array before him. Cas had reassured him that their sole purpose was 'hair management', but Sam wasn't so sure.

Over in the waiting area, Dean was grinning from ear to ear as he watch Cas flitting around the place, sorting out what he needed before standing behind Sam and looking in the mirror with the hunter.

"Sam?"

"Yeah"

"You're going to have to…."

"What is it, Cas?"

"You're going to have to let me cut it."

* * *

It had been an hour, and Dean was bored. Seriously, did one freaking haircut take this long? He wondered how women managed to fit that crap into their day. Thank God Cas' shop was 'closed' that day. He'd run out of magazines to flick through after less than five minutes, disgusted that the only ones available to peruse were women's gossip magazines.

"Dean?"

He looked up. Cas stood there nervously.

"Is he done?"

"Yes. He was quite…resistant to cutting off most of his hair, so I did what I could."

Dea stood up and made his way over to where Sam had been hidden behind mirrors and towels. He peered round the corner.

"Sammy?"

The younger Winchester looked up, and Dean let out a barely suppressed snort.

"Shut up, jerk"

"Bitch," came the automatic reply, but Dean couldn't help himself at the sight of Sam looking so well-groomed. Sam's well cultivated sideburns remained intact, but were trimmed neatly. His overly long hair was now thinner and more manageable, with a hint of the bangs that had once swept across his forehead before John had died.

"Sammy, you look so….clean"

"Is this okay, Dean? Was this what you had envisioned?" Cas was anxious, looking from Dean to Sam and back. Dean realised that Cas was more worried about what Dean would think than Sam.

_Is my opinion really so important to him? Since when?_

"You did great, Cas. Really well. I can see why you opened up this place."

Cas' face lit up with relief, and it was like watching the sun suddenly appear on a rainy day.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, man! I haven't seen my brother look this good in…well, forever. Mind doing me next?"

Dean thought Cas was going to have a heart attack – from joy or nerves, he wasn't sure.

"Of course, Dean! Just sit in this chair here…."

"And then Cas, I was wondering…."

"Yes, Dean?"

"Come home with us? To the bunker? And not just for a short stay, like….forever? Please? I mean, I get it if you wanna stay here and have this place and all it's just I dunno…doesn't feel right without you being there and I just-"

Dean's rambling was cut off by a slender finger against his mouth. Cas looked down at him, sapphire eyes sparkling.

"Of course I will, Dean. I just wasn't sure if you wanted me there"

Sam, observing their resumed staring, quietly left the shop in search of coffee.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later, due to Dean's lack of care about his appearance and the fact that he had zero mane where Sam had, to not put too fine a point on it, the lion's share, the hunter and ex-angel emerged from the newly-vacated building, holding Cas' sparse belongings and smiling at one another.

Sam, who had returned from his coffee hunt well stocked, leaned against the Impala as they approached, talking quietly to each other, before helping them place the boxes in the trunk. He climbed in the backseat after catching Dean's eye and giving him a firm look that clearly said 'Cas rides shotgun today'.

While he waited for them to climb in, he heard strains of their conversation:

"Cas, you know what I said in there, about family…I meant it. Don't run off again. I dunno what I'd do without you, I just….you mean so much more to me than your angel mojo crap. I don't know how to say shit like this I can't –"

"Dean?"

"What?"

"I know"

And if, on the way back, Sam caught sight of the two in the front seat holding hands, he didn't say a word.

* * *

**AN: Thoughts? Possible sequel? I don't know, this is all I had. PS please follow me on tumblr - my URL is the same as my username here, and check out my other stories!**

**EDIT: Already gotten an awesome review :D thanks!**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: I don't really have anything to say. Set kind of after Season 9, I guess? Except I have no idea how that's going to end. Basically Abbadon's gone, the angels are restored to Heaven, but Cas is human and living in the bunker because he prefers it. Called 'I knew it' for reasons that will become clear.**

* * *

I knew it

It was another hunt that had ended with Dean getting more injuries than any person should have to put up with. He sat shirtless in the kitchen of the bunker, sulking and nursing a beer. Sam had gone to bed, exhausted, leaving Dean to sit and stew in his own resentment. He'd just put down the ice that he had been holding against his bruised torso when Castiel stormed in. His hair was messy and he wore a pair of old, ratty jeans, and one of Dean's old AC/DC shirts – the only clothes that were available until their next supply run. The clothes hung off his lean frame, but the most captivating (and attractive, not that Dean would ever admit that to anyone outside of his wildest fantasies) aspect of his appearance was his shockingly blue eyes, which were boring right into Dean and were filled with rage and worry.

"Dean. Do you have any idea how thoughtless you are? How reckless, how stupid? I'm a human now, I can't heal you like I used to be able to!"

Dean scowled. His knee was throbbing from where Sam had pushed it back into place, and his lip stung from where the vampire had split it with his fist.

"Cas, seriously? I've had a long, fucked up day, and the last thing I need is for you to barge in here, douching up the joint."

He stood up, wincing slightly at the weight on his knee, and made to leave the room. However, Castiel was quicker, and he grasped Dean's shoulder, pulling him back and spinning the hunter to face him.

"Ow! Cas what the hell?!"

"Dean, how many times must I tell you? You have to take better care of yourself. You simply do not appreciate how easily you are killed, how fragile you are!"

"Well you know what, Cas? I've had worse. And I've had to live through it without your angelic mojo bullcrap to heal me, so I'm pretty sure I'll live through this!"

He tried to move, but he was forced against the wall by the angry fallen angel.

"Cas, let me go!"

"Not until you swear that you will be more careful!"

"Why the hell do you even care so much? You're human now, you can do whatever the hell you want! Why haven't you just left? Why not go bang more random chicks like April? It wouldn't be the first time you've ditched our sorry asses!"

Every resentful thought Dean had had in the past few months, towards Castiel, towards the world in general, however fleetingly, came pouring out of his mouth in an effort to make Castiel let go of him, to make Castiel find a better life, one without the Winchesters in it. Castiel's eyes widened, and he snarled. Before Dean could even register what was happening, he felt a fist connect with his mouth, splitting the lip again. Dean pushed the man off him, and gave as good as he got, slugging Castiel in the mouth. They broke apart, standing and facing one another as they panted heavily.

"Where. The. _Hell_. Do you think you get off, Dean Winchester, telling me what I should and should not do?" Castiel said as he turned his head slightly and spat out blood. "I have chosen to be here, I have chosen to stay and assist you two idiots in your hunts, and your attempts to save mankind. I have fallen from Heaven for you two humans, and I would do so again and again, just to ensure your safety. But apparently you don't want that, so maybe I should go. If you don't want me here, I'll go, and I'll 'bang more random chicks', as you recommended."

With a final, despairing look at Dean, he turned and started to walk away. After a second of shock, Dean launched forward, latching on to Castiel's elbow and making him face him.

"Cas. Don't leave. Please, don't leave me. I'm sorry. I thought…I still do, you know? I think you'd be happier out there. Being normal, having a normal life. You're stuck with us, and we keep bringing you own, and I don't want you to be miserable. I just want you to be happy, and if that means leaving us, then okay, but I don't….I don't want you to think I'm kicking you out. Because I would never do that. Not again"

Castiel stared at him, and when he spoke, his tone was frosty.

"I don't understand why you would have so much concern for my happiness, Dean. I've done so much, betrayed you so many times. Maybe I _should_ leave. The things I have done must surely weigh on your mind every time you look at me."

"Hey, Cas?"

"What?"

"Shut up"

Before Castiel could respond, Dean slammed their mouths together desperately. If Castiel wanted to leave, fine, but Dean would at least have this, and Castiel would have something to remember Dean by. Castiel's brain finally kicked into gear, and he kissed Dean back, reaching around so his arms looped around Dean's neck to pull him in closer and tug gently on his hair. Both men moaned slightly as their lips parted, allowing the other's tongue to lick its way in. There was a brief sting from the cuts on their mouths, and they could taste the blood from the other's lip. It shouldn't have been as exciting, as much of a turn on, as it was, and yet it was all they could do to stop themselves from ripping their suddenly unnecessary clothing off and having it out right there on the kitchen floor. Dean's breath hitched slightly as his naked torso was rubbed against the worn cotton of Castiel's shirt, creating a friction that went straight to his groin. Castiel gave a small gasp as Dean's fingers skittered along the hem of his shirt before they began to softly stroke the skin that lay beneath.

Dean pulled away slightly, just enough to let the briefest wisp of air pass between their hot, panting mouths, and Castiel hissed as he felt the cool air, coupled with Dean's warm breath, hit the small wound on his lip.

"Don't leave. Please" Dean whispered urgently, his eyes never leaving Castiel's face. Castiel gazed right back as he nodded, with the same look he had had that day after he had slept with April, the day that Ezekiel had brought him back to life using Sam's body. It was the look he had when the first thing he saw was Dean's face upon coming back to life, as opposed to Dean's soul. It was the look he had given Dean when he realised that Dean was as beautiful as his soul was, and when he realised that he was completely in love with the hunter.

"Okay," he rasped back, just like he had that day, and that was enough for Dean. He kissed Castiel again, but all the anger and despair was gone, and they smiled against the other's mouth. Dean suddenly remembered where they were, and looked around in slight panic.

"Shit. Do you think Sammy saw us?"

"Does it matter if he did?"

"Well, kind of. I mean, I don't care if he knows, but this isn't how I would want him to find out about…well us. Is there an us? I want there to be" Castiel saw how anxious he was, and cupped his cheek fondly.

"Why don't we take this to a more private location, and tell Sam in the morning? He was asleep when I walked past his room before"

A grin appeared on Dean's face.

"My room. Now."

They took their time, that night. As desperate as they were, it seemed right to take it slowly, to not rush things. This was a long time coming, and they knew they could drag it out just that little bit longer to make it special. Finally, Castiel was sinking into Dean, and both men were crying out in earnest as the former angel relentlessly slammed into Dean, hitting his prostate again and again. It wasn't long before Dean was coming, untouched, all over his stomach, and Castiel followed seconds later, brought over the edge by Dean's helpless clenching and unclenching around him.

In a daze, Dean grabbed a couple of tissues – thank god the side table was within reach, otherwise he would have never had the energy – and wiped himself and Castiel off as the man collapsed next to him, pulling out of Dean gently. Once Dean's hands were free, he let his thumb brush over Castiel's split lip before leaning in and kissing him tenderly. They burrowed under the blankets, craving each other's touch, and Castiel rested his head on Dean's shoulder and slowly placed small kisses on the bruises he had left on Dean's neck with his teeth, lips and tongue.

"Sleep here tonight, okay?"

"Okay"

"Cas?"

"What?"

"I love you"

"I love you, Dean"

They fell into a doze, still holding onto the other.

"Cas?"

"What is it now, Dean?"

"Can you sleep here all the time?"

"Of course, Dean. Please go to sleep"

And it was the best night's sleep they'd had since….well, forever.

* * *

The next morning, Dean left his room at the exact same time Sam was walking past. Sam took in the hickeys dotting Dean's neck and bare torso, and looked past him to see Castiel sat up in bed, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He smirked at his older brother.

"I knew it"

"Shut up, bitch"

"Jerk"

END

* * *

**AN: Apologies for the crappily written smut.**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Had the idea, wrote the thing. Hope people like it. Published on it's own and in my Drabbles/Headcanons thing**

* * *

Dean's Not So Secret Journal

The first time, Sam was looking for his porn folder(not that he would admit it). As he clicked to type in the file name, a bunch of suggestions came up.

_Fucking Microsoft guessing what I want._

_Wait._

_The fuck is 'I like anal'?_

"Uhhh….Dean?"

Dean walked in, towelling his hair dry.

"What is it, Sammy?"

"What's this?" Dean took a look, and Sam could've sworn he turned pale and a look of pure fear crossed his face before he answered with, "Your weird porn fetish? I don't know? Ask Cas, he uses your laptop doesn't he?"

"Uh yeah, I'll ask him," Sam turned back to his laptop, but saw Dean's ears as he walked out.

They were decidedly red.

* * *

The second time it happened, Dean was using Sam's laptop. As Sam walked in to the kitchen to get a cold beer from the fridge, Dean slammed the lid of the laptop down so fast the table shook. Sam looked at him strangely.

"Please tell me you aren't watching porn in the kitchen"

"What? No! I'm talking to Charlie!"

"….okaaay…." Sam walked out to go back to the library, but he peeked back in from behind where Dean was sitting. As he watched, Dean opened up the laptop, and resumed what it was he had been doing before.

_Oh my god. I knew it._

* * *

The third time, Sam couldn't contain his curiosity. He clicked on the document, reminding himself to teach Dean about how to have hidden files before _someone_ saw. As the page loaded, Sam stared.

There, under the banner proclaiming 'I like anal', was at least 20 pictures of Castiel and Dean. Not doing anything, just random snaps of them on hunts, hanging out, stuff Sam had taken when they were taking a break from research or hunting. Beneath all these photos was a paragraph.

_Jesus fucking Christ, I don't even…whatever. So this is gonna be my journal thing, and whenever I feel the urge, I'm gonna steal Sam's laptop, open this piece of crap, and talk about my feelings. Or whatever._

_I'm kinda sick of this bullshit now. Stupid friggin' angels. I can't believe it._

_Can't believe I'm in love with Cas._

_There, I said it, happy?_

_I'm talking to myself with a fuckin laptop. Christ._

_Yeah, I'm in love with the dude. And now he's human. And all I wanna do is ride him like a pony. Or something. Fuck, I'm so gone. _

_I just wanna know what the hell goes through his head. Does he think about me the same way? Does he have any fucking idea what it does to me when he looks at me with those damn eyes?_

_One day I might show him this. When I say 'one day', I mean 'never'. Because he's never gonna feel the same. _

_Why is my life so fucked up._

Sam stared at the screen. Aside from the mentally scarring images, it was actually pretty depressing. He heard footsteps, and quickly shut the document and opened up Google just as Dean walked in.

"Dude, it's like 2am. Go to bed."

Sam sighed, and went to bed, leaving Dean alone in the kitchen with the lights from the fridge to keep him company.

* * *

The fourth and final time it happened, Sam wasn't even involved. He made to walk into the kitchen, and stopped short at the sight that confronted him.

Castiel was sitting on the kitchen table, arms and legs wound tightly around the older Winchester, who was kissing him as if he was the only person who would ever matter to him. Castiel's fingers were wound into Dean's hair as he kissed him back, and Dean held Castiel gently but firmly, like a treasured possession he would never let go of. Sam's laptop lay open next to the two men.

Sam smiled, and walked back to his bedroom. The sandwich could wait.

* * *

**AN: Thoughts? Reviews? Thanking you on the assumption that you're now going to look at my other stuff?**

**Anywhore, thanks for reading this and I really hope you liked it**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: This is actually pretty sad. Had the idea, wrote it, yeah. Published as "Dear Sammy", and in my Drabbles/Headcanons thing**

* * *

It was a regular hunt, and it should've stayed that way. They should've ganked the son of a bitch and gone back to the shitty motel, with Sam in a separate room because….well, it's not like he ever wanted to witness what Dean and Cas got up to when they were alone together, not since they'd finally become something…more than friends.

Only it wasn't a regular hunt, and Castiel discovered the price of his newfound humanity all too well. He died with Dean's name on his lips, staring into the green eyes of the hunter he had given everything for.

He was killed by a gunshot wound to the heart, of all things. Why a vampire needed a gun, Dean would never know. Sam took care of the vampire as Dean collapsed next to the unmoving body of his best friend. Best friend, lover, partner…..there weren't sufficient words to describe what he had with Cas. And now he was gone, and he wasn't coming back. His grace had finally left him, and Dean sobbed for the first time in years as he clung to the far too human corpse of the man he loved more than life itself.

* * *

They gave him a hunter's funeral that night. Knowing there was no chance of his resurrection, and knowing Cas would never want to come back as a spirit, it was the only thing they could do. Dean barely spoke, and when they got back to the motel, Sam watched as he went to the room he had shared with Cas and locked the door behind him silently.

Sam sighed, too wrapped up in his own grief over losing someone he had come to see as a brother, and seeing Dean completely shut down like that, to try and talk to his older brother yet. He went in search of food, hoping to find a pie that would at least get Dean talking.

Meanwhile, Dean, curled up in sheets that still smelled of Cas, rolled over. He was lost in the memories he had of the ex-angel.

* * *

_The stars were unusually bright that night, and Dean took another sip of his beer as he stared up at the night sky, going over the day's events in his mind._

"_Dean, we need to talk."_

_Dean turned around at the familiar voice, stomach clenching as it always did when Cas was around._

"_Dammit, Cas, how do you still do that? I thought your mojo was gone!"_

"_My…'mojo', as you call it, is slowly departing. I cannot fly, Dean, you were simply thinking too hard to notice my approach"_

"_Right." There was an awkward pause as Dean sat up from where he had been lying on the hood of the Impala to properly look at Cas. "What's the word, Cas?"_

"_I'm falling Dean."_

"_Yeah, we've been through that man. Anything else, or do you just wanna have the same conversation again?" Dean was faintly irritated now, but he couldn't properly bring himself to be angry at the guy. __**Dammit, when did Cas get that adorable? **_

_**No. **_

_**Did not just think that.**_

…_**I should probably say something.**_

_**Shit.**_

"_So, why are you here?"_

"_Dean, I…I'm falling, and I can't stop it. Soon, I'll have nothing, and I'll be useless. I'll be a 'baby in a trench-coat', as you once so accurately put it. Because of this, I know you will not want me around anymore. This is probably one of the last times we will see each other, and I just wanted to apologise for all the times I've let you down. For all the times I betrayed you. I know that falling is supposed to be a punishment, but the only thing that will be a punishment is never being able to see you again. I care for you a great deal, Dean Winchester."_

_Dean gaped in astonishment. After a couple of seconds of simply staring at Cas, he found his voice._

"_Cas, you friggin' idiot, why would I not want you around? You're my best friend, man. And you're not useless, you're awesome, and even if you were useless I'd still want you around. You and Sammy, you're my family. I don't know what I'd do without you, so don't you dare say I don't want you around. Don't ever say that, and don't ever leave me because I swear to your asshole father I will find you and bring you back to me. I can't lose you, not like I've lost everyone else I care about"_

_As he spoke, he slid off the Impala and walked to where Cas was standing. Castiel stared at Dean, stupidly huge blue eyes shining._

"_Thank you, Dean"_

"_Oh, shut up," Dean muttered, and before Cas could ask what he meant, Dean pulled the falling angel towards him so that they were nose to nose. _

"_Please, don't hate me after this," Dean murmured, his eyes lidded and his breath ghosting over Cas' parted lips. Cas swallowed._

"_After wha-"_

_Dean's mouth brushed against his own, and Dean felt his stomach do wild backflips as Cas gave a small gasp and pushed back against him, firmly attaching his mouth to Dean's and leaving no room for thought._

_It only lasted a few seconds, and when Dean pulled back Cas' eyes were wider than ever, and he reached up to touch his fingers to his lips as he stared at the hunter in wonder._

"_Sorry," Dean muttered, staring at his feet. "I…that…I've just been wanting to do that for a while, ok?"_

"_Dean"_

"…_what"_

"_Shut up"_

_And now it was Cas' turn to pull Dean towards him and kiss him with more emotion than he could ever remember feeling, and the two men smiled against the other's mouth as they became entwined, neither wanting to ever let the other go._

"_I'll never leave you Dean," Cas whispered after pulling back. "I promise."_

"_Cas, I…..I've felt like this for a while and if it freaks you out I'm sorry but I just…I don't wanna live without you. I don't think it's possible."_

_They lay back on the Impala, and looked up at the stars, holding each other as if they would never let go._

* * *

Dean stared up at the ceiling, hating himself for the thoughts that were running through his head. Fresh tears ran down the tracks that were on his cheeks, and he ignored them, wishing that he could turn back the clock and take the bullet that had stolen Cas' heart from him.

But he couldn't, and there was nothing Dean could do to bring him back.

He found the nearest pen and paper, and began to write.

* * *

Sam had just pulled into the parking lot of the motel when he heard the gunshot.

Everything went into slow motion as he sprinted to where Dean and Cas' room lay, dropping the cheeseburgers and pie he'd purchased with such care. The locked door flew off its hinges with the force of his kick, and he fell to his knees next to what he'd known would be there the second he heard the gun.

Dean lay on the bed, spread-eagled, blood pouring from a gunshot wound to his neck.

"Fuck, no, Dean!"

"….Sammy?"

"Dean?"

"Screwed up, Sammy"

Sam cradled Dean in his arms. Of all the times he had seen Dean die, this was by far the worst, because Sam knew it would be the final time.

"You fucking idiot, why?"

"….'m sorry, Sammy. Can't…..can't even…." Dean's chest heaved, and his eyes started to glass over. "Can't even kill myself right…..meant to…die right away."

"You can't just leave me, you fucking asshole!"

"Sammy….gonna see Cas now, Sammy. Love 'im, ya know? Sorry…..for leaving…letting you down again….."

"You're my big brother, Dean. You could never let me down"

"Gonna see Castiel now, Sam. Gonna…see….Cas"

And with that, Dean's eyes finally glazed over, and he slumped in Sam's arms, a faint smile still touching his lips from when he'd said Cas' name. Sam lay his head to his older brother's chest, and sobbed.

When the ambulance finally arrived at the motel, brought there by panicked calls from the owner, they found a still crying Sam hugging his dead brother's body, covered in blood.

* * *

Sam burned Dean's body. He cleared the rooms of their possessions, and loaded up the Impala.

He glanced around the sparse room, noticing something on the bedside table.

_What the…._

It was a note. Sam picked it up, heart twisting at the tear-stained words.

_Dear Sammy,_

_You're one of the best hunters I know, besides me. That's how I know you'll be okay. You're so damn well-adjusted, I don't know how you do it. I wish I was more like you. You're one of my heroes, and if you ever tell anyone I just said that, I'll haunt your ass 'til Kingdom come._

_You'll be just fine, little brother. I believe in you._

_I suck at goodbyes, but I'm doing my best here. Because this is goodbye, and this is the most selfish thing I've ever done, and I am so sorry._

_Everyone leaves me, Sam. Mom, Dad, Lisa, Ben, even you for a little bit, and now Cas. _

_God, I love him so fucking much it scares me, and I don't know how it got to this point, and now he's gone and he promised me he wouldn't leave. _

_He isn't coming back, and I know I could try and live without him, but I can't. You and him…you're my reasons for living, and I know you'll be okay without me because you've done it before. Don't try and bring me back, because I wanna be with him. Please. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. _

_I promised him, I promised him I wouldn't let him be alone. And now he's alone, and I gotta be with him. That dorky nerd needs someone looking after him, and I don't know where he is, but I'll find him, and I'll be with him, and that's all I want. It's all I've wanted for so long now, and now I can be with him and not hunt anymore and I'm sorry, Sammy._

_You don't remember, but Mom used to tell us that angels were watching over us, just when she was kissing us goodnight. I never believed her until I met Cas._

_You know I never actually told him I love him? I thought there was gonna be time for that, and now he's gone, and I can't tell him unless I go too. I should've told him. I should have told him every damn day, and I didn't, because I'm an idiot._

_Shit, I'm sorry for rambling, and I'm sorry for sounding so freaking sappy, but if I'm gonna go, I'm gonna say whatever the hell I want._

_Find that chick, Amelia, and quit hunting. I know you love her, and our job is done. No more Apocalypse, no more Leviathan, no more Purgatory. Be happy, and please do this, for me. This is the only way I can look after you now. You can do this, and you're gonna grow old and have the whole white picket fence deal. I could never have that life, but you can._

_Angels are watching over you._

_Bye, Sammy_

Sam crumpled up the paper in his fist, and began to cry.

* * *

Sam finally died, aged 80 years old, surrounded by his family. Amelia, his kids, and their kids all said goodbye to him, and as his eyes closed for the last time, Amelia could've sworn she heard a faint "Dean…."

Only she would ever know what that meant.

* * *

Sam opened his eyes. A warm light flooded his vision, and he sat up. He was in a field, and he could hear faint music nearby. There was a building, and a familiar black car stood outside.

"Sammy!"

Sam's heart leapt to his throat at the deep voice that sounded out, and he smiled through the tears that blurred his vision.

Dean stood there, beaming at Sam, arm wrapped around Castiel, who was smiling at Sam but his gaze continued to flicker to stare up at Dean, staring at him as if he was the only thing that would ever matter to him. And next to them were more familiar faces.

"…Mom? Dad?"

Mary and John Winchester smiled.

"Sam. We're so proud of you"

Sam said the only thing that ran through his mind.

"Is that…the Roadhouse?"

A faint snort came from nearby. Sam turned and saw Bobby, Ellen, Jo and Ash, who were looking at him fondly.

"I'm dead, aren't I?"

Dean looked at him, sadness crossing his face.

"Yeah, Sammy. But you did it. And I couldn't be prouder of my stupid, punk ass baby brother"

Dean reached out and hugged him, and Sam hugged him back, before they all headed into the Roadhouse.

Before they could go in, however, Castiel tugged at Dean's arm.

"What is it, Cas?"

"Dean, I never properly thanked you for everything. You've done so much for me, and I – "

Dean shut him up by kissing him, smiling.

"Cas, you never have to thank me for anything. I love you, and I always will."

"I love you too, Dean"

"Then let's go and get a drink with my baby brother"

And they walked inside.

* * *

**AN: Sappy ending, I know. Please leave reviews!**


	15. Chapter 15

**This is inspired by the song 'Last Kiss' by Pearl Jam which I love. Listen to it if you haven't already, it's a great song. And then I had this idea for a Destiel college AU, and I wrote this and got very sad. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

Last Kiss

It had been three months and Dean still cried himself to sleep every night. Sam knew, because he could hear him through the thin walls that separated their bedrooms, calling out Castiel's name and sobbing incoherently as he drifted off into a sleep filled with nightmares.

The Impala was still languishing in tatters at Uncle Bobby's salvage yard, and nothing Sam, John or Bobby said or did could convince Dean to go and fix her up. Too many memories were stuffed in there. Memories of Castiel, memories of that night.

Sam knew Dean still blamed himself. Dean never did anything anymore – he went to college, came home, ate, and went to bed. That was it. There was no life in his brother anymore, all happiness and signs of being an actual human had died alongside Castiel in that stupid, unnecessary accident.

* * *

*three months earlier*

The '67 Chevy Impala – given to Dean by his father not two weeks before – cruised down the road, engine purring. It was 11 at night, and Dean couldn't help but glance over at the passenger every few seconds, the corners of his mouth turning up in genuine happiness. Castiel smiled back, and reached over so that his fingers were entwined with Dean's between them on the leather seat.

A year into their relationship, and still every time they had a 'date night', it felt like their first. Dean was pretty sure his heart was about to burst every time Castiel looked at him, every time Castiel tilted his head in confusion (a LOT – despite being 22, Castiel was hopelessly uneducated on pop culture, something Dean had been working on correcting ever since they met when they were 19), every time Castiel did _anything_ – walk, talk, smile, eat, kiss Dean, hold Dean, reassure Dean when he was sad, tell Dean he loved him in a whisper under the sheets at night – and it was amazing.

He loved Castiel, had done since for 3 years (only being able to acknowledge it for 1), and Castiel loved him.

The Impala's headlights lit up the road ahead, and Dean redirected his attention to the road.

"Dean?" Castiel said, a smile evident in his tone.

"Yeah, Cas?"

"I really loved tonight," and he squeezed Dean's hand gently. It was all they needed to do to communicate their feelings. In the dead of night, when Dean was shocked awake by nightmares about his mum's death or Alastair's torturous bullying throughout his teen years, it was Castiel who held him and rocked him back to sleep. It was Castiel who built a blanket fort with him on their bed, and they could spend the day in bed just holding one another and kissing slowly, enjoying the taste and feel of the other and of being loved. One day, they'd done just that – the sun mostly blocked out by the duvet that was tented over them. Castiel had been half sat up, Dean's head in his lap, as Castiel read their shared copy of Slaughter House Five. Not exactly the most romantic of novels, but to them it didn't matter. Dean had lain there, letting Castiel's gravelly tones wash over him and lull him into a complacency he'd never had before. Castiel had been unable to resist Dean, leaning down to kiss him every couple of pages (when Dean wasn't the one tugging his head down anyway). They'd only moved to get food or go to the bathroom.

It had been awesome.

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand back, smiling out the front windscreen.

"Same."

The Impala went around a corner.

The lights shone upon an empty car, stalled in the middle of the road and lying across both lanes.

"Holy _shit!_" Dean slammed on the brakes and swerving to the right, but they locked, sending the Impala skidding sideways - straight into the vehicle blocking their way.

"_CAS!"_

The passenger side collided with the car with a sickening _crunch_, and Dean was thrown against the steering wheel, unconscious as the sound of Castiel's scream echoed through his skull.

* * *

Dean came to moments later.

"Cas? Cas! Oh my god Cas, please wake up," he sobbed, undoing his seatbelt and managing to slide over to where Castiel lay, despite the pain that caused spots to appear and blur his vision. He gently pulled Castiel from where he was slumped against the door, blood seeping from wounds in his head and chest. Dean saw the shard of glass impaled in his boyfriend's chest, and his heart dropped with tears springing to his eyes.

"Cas?" His voice shook. A woman ran out onto the road from a house nearby, followed by a whole crowd of people who were running to help. Evidently there had been a party there that night.

"I saw everything, I've called an ambulance they'll be here soon. Are you okay?!"

Dean ignored her, breath coming in short, painful gasps as he cradled Castiel's head in his lap. Castiel blinked slowly, and his gaze focused on the shaking man.

"Dean?"

"Cas! Just stay awake, talk to me, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay."

Castiel smiled sadly, taking in the lacerations across his body and the glass embedded in him.

"You're a terrible liar, Dean. Remember when I asked you if you had a crush on me, and you tried to deny it? That's how I knew you loved me back. I knew you wouldn't ever have the guts to ask me out though. I had to do it for you. Remember?"

Dean let the tears flow freely now.

"Cas, don't talk like that. We'll get you out of this, the ambulance is coming."

"Dean, please just hold me. For a little while."

Dean held Castiel close, kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his lips.

"I love you, Cas. I love you so much, I'm so sorry, this is my fault, please don't leave me" he choked out.

"I love you too, Dean. I always will. And this wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself, please," Castiel smiled dreamily, and used the last of his strength to stroke Dean's cheek. There was a silence punctuated only by Dean's sobs, and then there was a faint wail of sirens in the distance.

"I gotta go now, Dean," Castiel croaked out, unable to tear his gaze from Dean.

"The ambulance is coming, Cas! They're just pulling up now! Hold on for me, please! I love you too much for this to happen!"

"I can't, Dean," Castiel whispered. "I can't feel anything now…..I just feel love. For you. I'm sorry Dean….I love you."

And the light faded forever from those piercing blue eyes as the ambulance arrived. It was too little, too late as Dean screamed out in anguish, clinging Castiel's body to him. He kissed his lips over and over, trying to bring him back, and continued to scream even after his voice gave out and all that escaped his mouth was rasps.

It took the EMT's half an hour to pry the hysterical man from Castiel, as he refused to let go and sobbed soundlessly.

* * *

Dean hadn't spoken since that night. It wasn't that he couldn't – the nightly screaming was proof enough of that – he just didn't know how anymore. He had nothing to say. He'd moved back in with Sam and John after a month, unable to cope with being in the apartment he had shared with Castiel. Every inch of it contained something that reminded him of Castiel – the wall that Dean had pinned him against before making love, the bookshelves that had at first been split down the middle, but then allowed their possessions to integrate with one another as easily as breathing, the cupboards that had stupid novelty mugs that Castiel somehow managed to find _anywhere,_ buying them with an infectious glee and presenting them to Dean shyly, awaiting his reaction. Dean had loved them all, even the ugly ones, because it was Castiel who had bought them.

The apartment was left to gather dust. Dean had left most of his stuff back there, and the entire flat was left as a shrine to his and Castiel's relationship, untouched and unvisited.

* * *

Dean felt numb. He didn't speak. What was the point? He barely ate, only bothering when Sam prompted him to.

Every night he was haunted by the images of Castiel, every single moment they'd shared. Most of his time was spent in his room, staring at the ceiling as tears ran down his cheeks silently. He remembered the day he'd met Castiel, awkwardly stumbling into a lecture hall after tripping over his own feet. He'd grabbed onto the closest thing to him – which happened to be the hand of a gorgeous, dark-haired man with unnaturally blue eyes. Dean ploughed into his chest with a soft 'oof!', already blushing because _it was his first damn day of college and he'd already made a complete dick of himself oh my god _– and the guy had helped him regain his balance, Dean's breath hitching as they made eye contact. He'd known he was gay for a while – hell, he'd even slept with a few guys – but the feeling that latched onto him and set up a permanent home in his heart as he looked at this man was completely new.

Dean was gone the second he met Castiel, and Castiel had left. All Dean could do now was try his damn hardest to lead a good life – whatever kind of life he could lead without Castiel – because he knew for sure that Castiel was up in Heaven, waiting for him.

And Dean would do whatever it took to see him again.

Dean suddenly started doing things again, albeit lifelessly. He donated to every charity he came across, giving away all of his spare money – he couldn't spend it on date nights now – and helped out stray animals he found on the street. All of this was done in silence, as he still couldn't find the words to speak, couldn't find anything worth saying. People knew him as the cute, silent guy, the one who helped out everyone and never asked for anything back, the one who still, no matter what he was doing, had an air of despair hovering over him that refused to leave.

* * *

Sam supposed that it would have come as a bittersweet relief to Dean, five months later, when he was found by Alastair on his way home from the animal shelter. Alastair had tormented Dean for years, hating him without reason and beating him senseless on many occasions. Witnesses said that Alastair simply pinned Dean against an alley wall, insane from hate and screaming abuse, before slicing into his stomach and running away. Dean had slumped to the ground, with only strangers there to comfort him as he lay there dying. All he could do was shakily reach for a pen and paper, scrawling two words that were read by Sam later, and clutching it tightly in one fist.

_Bye Sammy._

* * *

The woman who had been there as Dean died – Tessa – told him that Dean had been silent until the end, only letting a single words slip through his jaw as he finally let go.

"_Cas"_

It figured.

* * *

**Mlorp. It's okay though, I'm about to start writing an AU where they're both teachers so watch out for that. Also trying to update 'Stuck In A Story You Can't Get Out Of' soon – beta issues and procrastination there. And I'm also working on my King Arthur AU ('Stars'), my High School AU ('Who Are You?'), and some other stuff that I'll upload soon, so keep an eye out for those, because they'll be happier than this pile of crap.**

**Bye!**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Insanely sweet Destiel Christmas fluff because of the angst I wrote in 'Last Kiss'. Enjoy! I know it isn't Christmas but I don't care, I never feel Christmassy around Christmas time anyway. **

* * *

For the first time in…well, forever, Dean and Sam were going to have a proper Christmas. Dean had called Castiel, and begged the fallen angel to come to the bunker to celebrate. Castiel had happily complied, and enthusiastically joined Kevin in his quest to deck out the bunker in tinsel and decorations. Dean had woken up Christmas Eve only to walk into the kitchen and be assaulted by the amount of Christmas cheer radiating from the room.

"Uh…..what?" He said, blinking. No matter how much he blinked, there was still a blinding amount of tinsel and holly and – oh jesus, Christmas cards? Who the hell was sending them Christmas cards?

"Hello, Dean," Castiel said, hastily shoving something under his jumper and beaming at him.

Wait.

Jumper?

"Cas, what the hell are you wearing? And where did all those cards come from?"

"Oh…." Castiel looked down and plucked at the woollen abomination that adorned his chest. "Sam and I were shopping yesterday and I thought it was rather appealing. I also purchased a large amount of Christmas cards and have used them to decorate."

Dean didn't have the heart to tell those adorable (NO, not adorable, freaking hell) blue eyes any different. He peered inside one of the cards. Inside, in Castiel's elegant handwriting, and in pure Castiel fashion, it simply said

_**It is Christmas.**_

"Yeah, sure Cas," he said before walking over to the fridge and peering inside.

_What the hell?_

"Cas, is everything in here Christmas food? What the hell am I supposed to have for breakfast?"

No, really. The entire fridge was stocked with eggnog, Christmas cake, turkey, glazed ham, and three kinds of stuffing, as well as bunch of different Christmassy foods that Dean didn't care to identify. After a moment's deliberation, he hauled out the ham – _this weighs a frigging __**ton**_ – and laid it on the table.

"Guess I'm having ham for breakfast."

* * *

It was 4pm Christmas Eve, and Dean was sat on his bedroom floor surrounded by three rolls of wrapping paper, tape, scissors and ribbon, terrified.

"How the hell…." He muttered, picking up the gift he had bought for Sam and a roll of wrapping paper that was covered in reindeer. "The bitch better like his damn present."

Just as he was working out the finer details of how the hell one wrapped a gift, there was a knock on the door. Dean flung an arm out, sending the gifts he had bought skidding under the bed.

"Come in!" he called, attempting to look casual. Sam peered around the door.

"Hey Dean, I….were you gift wrapping?"

"What? No!"

"….okay then. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks." At Dean's look of confusion, Sam continued. "You know, for not being a dick about the whole Christmas thing. I know you're not a huge fan, but it is Cas' first Christmas as a human and stuff, and Kevin's lost his mom, so yeah. Thanks."

Dean shifted where he sat.

"Well, yeah. I mean I'm not that heartless, am I? It's Cas and Kevin, you know?"

Sam smiled.

"Yeah, I know Dean." And he left the room, making Dean wonder exactly _what_ it was that Sam knew.

He sighed, and with some painstaking effort, managed to grab the presents he had hidden and pull them out to start the wrapping process again.

* * *

By 9pm that night, Dean had had at least 7 glasses of eggnog. He may have hated it, but it was the only alcohol in the bunker, and Dean was damned if he was going to put up with Christmas joy without something to get him by. He sat on the couch, watching Sam, Castiel and Kevin put their gifts under the tree. He'd already done so earlier, having finally worked out how to wrap a present without making it look like Santa had barfed on it. The eggnog made him feel vaguely like he was floating, and he felt happier than he had felt in a long time, hazily watching his – for lack of a better word – family decorate the Christmas tree. Seeing Castiel struggling to place the star at the top of the tree, he carefully got to his feet, before picking his way over to where Castiel stood on his toes, trying in vain to reach the top of the tree.

"Hey, Cas, lemme help," he said cheerfully. Castiel looked at him uncertainly.

"Dean, I don't-"

"Why do you wanna put a star up there anyway?" Dean asked, confused.

"Well, I hardly thought an angel was appropriate given the state of our planet."

"Well, yeah, but….you're an angel, so…."

"I am a human, Dean. Have you forgotten this?" Castiel said to him, looking slightly ashamed.

"What? No, I know that, but….you're still an angel. To me, I mean." Dean looked at the ground, uncomfortably aware of the fact that he was bright red and that Sam and Kevin were silently totally not eavesdropping on this conversation and _Cas was looking at him and his stupid eyes were shining shit._

Dean scratched the back of his neck and flopped back onto the couch. Castiel looked from him to the star in his hands for a second, before putting the decoration down and finding the angel decoration. He frowned at it.

"I do not understand. Is this supposed to be the true form of an angel? Because it is startlingly inaccurate."

Sam laughed.

"Well, Cas, it's not like anyone actually knew what an angel looked like before a few years ago."

"I suppose so." But Castiel still frowned at the figure in his hands. Dean stood up and grabbed it.

"I'll be right back," he said gruffly, before running out of the room, narrowly avoiding drunkenly stumbling into the wall. The three remaining men looked at one another in confusion. Dean returned triumphantly a couple of minutes later.

"Fixed it!" He said, grinning. He handed back the angel to Castiel. It was now wearing a small approximation of a trench coat and ill-fitted suit. Dean had also managed to cut its hair and colour it black with a Sharpie, and colour its eyes in blue. He smiled at Castiel. "Figured this was more appropriate."

"Dean, how the hell did you do that in two minutes?" Sam demanded. Dean shrugged.

"Charlie had some figurines she bought after reading those books about us. She left them behind. One was of Cas."

Castiel looked at the revamped Christmas decoration with wonder, before looking up at Dean.

"Thank you, Dean," he said softly. Unable to deal with the sudden pounding of his heart – _HOLY SHIT I THINK I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK_ – Dean sat back down. Castiel turned and dragged a chair over, before managing to finally place the decoration at the top of the tree.

"Done!" he grinned. Dean ignored the throbbing in his chest at the sight of the innocent joy on the man's face.

He'd never seen that expression before, and the realisation hurt.

* * *

An hour later, Dean had had even more eggnog. Castiel had convinced him to wear a stupid red Christmas sweater (it wasn't difficult – all the guy had to do was pout and Dean was putty in his hands).

Sam, Castiel and Kevin watched, amused, as he fumbled with the DVD player, trying and failing several times to put Die Hard on. Eventually, Castiel took pity and walked over.

"Dean, let me," he said, easing Dean's wrist away. He put the DVD on, and helped Dean to stand up.

"Thanks, man," Dean smiled sloppily. Castiel smiled back, and Dean's brain stopped working completely. Before he was even fully aware of it, he was kissing Castiel, mouth shaping itself over those chapped lips he'd been repressing dreams about for years. Sam and Kevin watched in stunned disbelief as Dean smiled into the kiss. Castiel tentatively put his hands on Dean's arms, pushing him back so that he could speak.

"Dean. You are drunk."

"Yeah, but….no. I'm stupid. I need you, Cas, and – oh shit, hey Sammy, hey Kevin, what's up?" Dean slurred. Sam and Kevin looked back, faces carefully expressionless. Castiel, still blushing from Dean kissing him, rolled his eyes.

"I'll get him to bed," he said, dragging a confused Dean out of the room.

Dean leaned heavily on the smaller man as he stumbled down the hall, managing to bury his nose in the dark hair and breathe in its scent.

"What are you doing, Dean?"

" 'm smelling you, Cas. You smell nice. I like it. Can I keep you?"

"How much eggnog did you have?" Castiel sighed.

"Enough to not be bothered lying anymore."

They arrived at Dean's bedroom. Castiel managed to flop Dean down onto his bed, Dean letting his head hit the pillows as he closed his eyes.

"Cas?"

Castiel, who had reached the door, stopped to look at his best friend.

"Yes, Dean?"

"Can you stay?"

"I was under the impression that I was staying, Dean"

"No, you idiot. Like, here. Just….be here 'til I fall asleep?"

Castiel hovered briefly and then walked back to Dean, who was sat up in bed leaning against the wall. He sat next to him, unsure of what Dean wanted. Dean sighed happily, and grasped Castiel's hand.

"Your hand feels nice Cas. You should always hold my hand."

"Why are you saying these things, Dean?"

" 'Cause they're true. Like I'm too much of a dick to say it out loud, but it's still true. I mean, I know I'm a shit person, and I do bad things and I let everyone down especially you and Sammy. I'm sorry, Cas," and by this point Dean was rambling, absolutely no filter between his brain and his mouth, and the only thing grounding him and stopping him from crying at that point was the feel of Castiel's hand in his. "And you're human now, and it must suck for you being stuck with us, and I'm trying to help out but I keep screwing that up and you deserve a much better person than me but….I just wanna kiss you over and over and make everything perfect for you and keep you here so you're with me all the time and it's stupid and I'm stupid and I'm sorry and I …" and _shit I'm crying make it stop make it stop make it stop it's Christmas I'm meant to be happy _"shit man I'll stop now you go have fun with Sammy and Kevin and have a good Christmas I'll stop being a screw up."

Castiel was taken aback at the sudden outpouring of emotion. To Dean's surprise, he didn't leave, instead he let Dean's hand go. He then reached around Dean's shoulders, pulling the man down so that Dean was secured against his side.

"Go to sleep, Dean. If you really feel this way, tell me when you're sober." Dean caught Castiel's hand, and kissed each finger before drifting off to sleep, his arms wrapped tightly around the torso of the angel who had fallen for him.

* * *

Dean woke up with a killer headache, a fuzzy tongue, and every moment of last night etched painfully into his brain. His face was pressed into something decidedly comfortable, and Dean refused to open his eyes. His pillow was firm, but soft, and he didn't want it to ever go and…..it was moving.

_Shit._

_I'm hugging Cas._

_Cas who probably hates me now._

_Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit._

He opened his eyes, and looked up. Castiel was snoring lightly, one arm still holding Dean to him, the other resting on Dean's cheek, as if he'd been caressing it while Dean slept.

Which was stupid, obviously, because Dean was pretty sure Castiel was going to punch him when he woke up.

Ah well.

No use prolonging the inevitable.

"Cas?" Dean tentatively asked, reaching up so that he could tap Castiel's cheek. "Caaaaas. Cas. CAS!"

Castiel woke up, blinking rapidly as he took in his surroundings.

"What? What is it?"

"Uhm….Merry Christmas?" Dean suggested. Castiel looked down at where Dean was snuggled (in the manliest way possible, of course) against him.

"Hello, Dean. Merry Christmas."

There was a pause as both of the men struggled for words.

"Do you remember last night, Dean?" Castiel asked gently.

Dean considered his options. If he said no, then hopefully things could go back the way they were. No intimate feelings, no gooey emotional crap, no leverage…at least, none more than there was already.

Then again, it was _Cas_.

It was a no brainer, really.

"Yeah. Yeah I remember it," Dean said, finally sitting up so that he could look into Castiel's eyes. A wave of nausea hit him, and the room spun. "Uh, can you wait here a second? I swear I'll be two seconds, I just gotta…."

Castiel nodded, and Dean ran to the bathroom. He splashed cool water on his face before brushing his teeth, clearing his head a little bit and steeling himself for what he was about to do. He re-emerged, and to his relief Castiel had stayed exactly where he left him, and was now eyeing him nervously. Dean sat back down on the bed.

"Sorry, I just….needed to make my brain work better. Anyway. You know I suck at words. But yeah, I do remember last night. And I meant all of what I said you know? I just wish I hadn't done it while drunk, and that it hadn't ruined your first Christmas, and that I hadn't kissed you without you wanting me to, and I'm sorry I've screwed up our friendship." Dean finished off his little speech sat cross legged by Castiel, staring into his lap. Therefore, he completely missed Castiel staring at him, before sitting up and leaning forward, until Castiel said his name in a whisper.

"Dean."

Dean looked up. They were practically nose to nose. His heart jumped into his throat and attempted to perform a mass jailbreak as he stared into Castiel's eyes, which were closer than they'd ever been. Dean couldn't help but notice how they were whiter towards where they met with the pupil, and then grew darker and darker further out. As his mind struggled to cope with this new, terrifying situation, he wildly wondered if Castiel had somehow stolen the colour from the sky just for his eyes, before thinking, _nah, Cas wouldn't do that, he'd feel too guilty. _

Just before Dean drove himself to insanity, Castiel closed the distance between them, and pressed his lips to Deans.

Dean gasped involuntarily, his mouth opening up and suddenly all his inhibitions were gone. Castiel's breath was hot and heavy in his mouth, and he shyly probed forwards with his tongue, eager to taste more. Castiel responded in kind, and soon enough the two of them were clinging to one another, kissing as if their lives depended on it. Before Dean gave into his desire to rip Castiel's clothes off and lay an irremovable claim to the fallen angel, he reluctantly dragged his mouth away from Castiel's. He pressed their foreheads together, and they stared at one another, breaths mingling and hands clutching at the back of one another's neck to stay as close as possible. Dean could feel his heart pounding, but it was okay because he knew Castiel's heart was doing the same, and maybe Castiel felt the same and maybe, just maybe, Dean hadn't screwed something up for once.

"Dean," Castiel said, breathing now coming in ragged gasps. "Why would you stop?"

Dean laughed, actually freaking laughed, as he replied.

"If I didn't stop, I'd have to wait even longer to see you unwrap your present."

Castiel's eyes lit up.

"You…you got me something?"

"Well, yeah. You're my best friend, Cas. And…more, if you want. We don't have to be more, I mean, not if you don't want to I just thought…uhhh…"

Castiel cut him off with a soft kiss, smiling.

"We can be more, Dean."

* * *

Festive cheer was sickeningly rampant throughout the bunker that day. It raced through the corridors, infecting every part of the place. It snuck into the dungeon, twining itself around the chains it found there. It burrowed its way into the darker, forgotten corners of the library, curling itself up in the space between the books to spring out at any given moment upon the next person to venture there. But it throbbed and pulsated the most in the living room, where the four men who had lost their families had found one another.

Dean sat upright on the couch, one hand lazily pushing through Castiel's hair as he smiled. His gaze flickered between the fallen angel, his brother, and the Prophet, the latter two making their way through their gifts. Castiel lay on the couch, back sprawled across Dean so that it rested across his torso. He had his head tucked into the hollow of Dean's neck, occasionally placing kisses there as he played with Dean's hand – the one that wasn't attempting to make his hair stick upright, that is. Every so often, Dean would look down at him, and they would share a chaste kiss, revelling in the fact that they were able to simply relax and enjoy the moment.

Sam sat cross legged on the floor, able to be a child once more as he gleefully unwrapped his gifts. From Kevin, a book called '100+ Salad recipes', which Sam had big plans for, totally not involving Dean. From Castiel, a book on Ancient Mesopotamia, accompanied by a handmade card – made of a piece of blue card folded in half. On the front of the card, it simply said 'Sam' in thick black vivid. When Sam opened it, all it said was "Thank you. Merry Christmas." Sam looked up at Castiel, eyes doing that 'damn puppy thing', as Dean called it. He was about to ask Castiel what he meant by 'Thank you', but when he saw how Castiel and Dean were staring at one another, he decided to ask later. Next, Dean's present.

It was Dad's journal. Only, Dean had copied out the entire thing onto fresh paper, so that Sam wouldn't have to decipher Dad's scratches on the yellowing pages, with the ink seeping through the paper and blurring what was legible. Sam flicked through the pages, looking at Dean's scrawls, and blinked back tears. Dean shifted uncomfortably.

"Is it okay? Sammy? I didn't..uhh..I wasn't sure…." Dean looked at his younger brother anxiously. Sam smiled, refraining from jumping onto Dean and hugging him for fear of crushing the fallen angel that was in his lap.

"It's perfect Dean. Thank you"

Dean smiled, and Castiel reached up to subtly brush away the tear that threatened to fall.

"You're welcome Sammy"

Kevin ploughed through his gifts. From Sam and Dean, he received a proper machete, which he examined in awe. From Castiel, an envelope. He opened it curiously.

_**Kevin Tran**, _the paper inside began,

_**Having become human, I have been exposed to many things. Not least of which is the sudden onslaught of human emotion. As an angel, I did feel emotions. However, these were…muted, by my duty to the Will of God. **_

_**Now that I am human, however, the world has been opened to me in many different ways. I am a new person (if you'll pardon the expression), and I have realised that I owe you an apology. I am sorry, Kevin Tran, for the burdens you have been forced to bear. For forcing you into the life you now lead, and the role I had to play in this. **_

_**I am deeply sorry, and I hope that you one day find it in your heart to forgive me. I also could not think of an appropriate gift for you, for which I must also apologise. Should I come across anything suitable, I shall purchase it. **_

_**Merry Christmas, Kevin, and I hope that you achieve your goals and find true happiness. I only wish that I were somehow able to help you accomplish this.**_

_**Castiel, former Angel of the Lord.**_

Kevin looked up at Castiel, who was watching him out the corner of his eye. He smiled and nodded, and Castiel smiled back.

It wasn't friendship bracelets, but it was a start.

"Cas! You gotta open your presents now!" Sam crowed, and he thrust two packages at the man. Castiel caught them in surprise.

"You got me something?" He asked, eyes wide.

"Of course we did. You're family." Sam said simply. Castiel turned his attention to the small parcels in his hands, and Dean brushed a thumb across his forehead to get the hair out of his eyes.

From Sam and Kevin, Castiel received a thick Christmas sweater, and a wad of cash in an envelope.

"What is this for?" Castiel asked in confusion.

"For you know, clothes and stuff," Sam said. "Just life in general, I guess."

Castiel smiled at them.

"Thank you, Sam and Kevin. I shall endeavour to repay you somehow"

"Dude, you don't need to. It's a gift, that's what Christmas is about. Family giving each other stuff" Kevin chimed in. He and Sam exchanged looks as Castiel unwrapped his gift from Dean, staying quiet.

It was a necklace.

To be more exact, a worn leather cord that had a pendant hanging off it. It was a polished blue stone, with various protection symbols carved into the gem – obviously done by Dean himself. Tiny scratches in Enochian, Sumerian, as well as anti-demonic symbols were engraved into the stone. Castiel stared for a full minute at the pendant, before daring to look up at Dean. Dean was frozen, watching Castiel's face with fear written plainly across his features. They stared at one another for what seemed like forever, until Dean spoke.

"Is it okay?"

"It's perfect, Dean," Castiel said, and he slipped the cord around his neck.

"I mean, I know it's not like permanent tattoos, and it's not like something really awesome and you deserve a lot better but I couldn't really think of anything that was perfect for you and I just thought that maybe…." Dean trailed off and Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat before leaning up to swallow the words that were caught in Dean's mouth.

"I did say it was perfect," he whispered against his lips. Dean nodded, pressing their foreheads together.

"Okay," he whispered back, before realising that there were two other people in the room and sitting up awkwardly. "So, we done?"

"Dude!" Sam said indignantly. "You haven't opened yours yet!"

"Guys, come on, you didn't have to get me anything. You know me and Christmas"

"We wanted to," Kevin interjected firmly, and two gifts were lobbed at Dean, and Castiel shyly held up a small object wrapped clumsily in wrapping paper that was decorated with angels. Dean caught them all, and opened Kevin's first before snorting with laughter.

It was a small teddy bear with wings, holding a heart that had 'Thank you' sewed into it. Dean and Kevin exchanged looks, and Dean placed the bear on Castiel's stomach for safekeeping while he unwrapped his present from Sam.

Something he never thought he would ever see again peeked out at him. Stunned, he raised the leather cord that had the amulet dangling from it.

"Sam, is this….?" He said quietly. Sam ducked his head.

"Um. Yeah. Cas helped me find it. Took a while. Didn't know if you'd want it or not, but….thought I may as well. If not that's cool, but yeah…"

Dean totally didn't have a tear running down his face as he choked out (in a manly voice that wasn't shaking) "Thanks, Sammy."

He put the cord around his neck and smiled at Castiel.

"I guess we match, huh?"

Castiel thumbed the pendant around his own neck.

"I guess we do."

Dean suddenly threw his arms around Castiel, hauling him up so that they were pressed against one another, inhaling the scent of one another as their noses were pressed into the other's neck. The teddy bear was flattened between them, digging into their torsos, but neither cared.

"You helped him?" Dean breathed.

"I thought it might be prudent," Castiel murmured back.

Dean shakily pulled back and placed a small kiss on Castiel's lips.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Do….do you want the present from me?" Castiel was suddenly uncertain.

"Yeah I do! Gimme!" Dean grabbed the gift out of Cas' hands and opened it. Wrapped up in paper was a small box, which Dean opened to find a small scrap of paper. Castiel looked at his hands, which were twisted in his lap.

"I hadn't planned for you to see this before I left…..when I did this I could not find anything suitable for you, Dean. I was also entirely certain that once I had left the bunker, I would die, so there would be no loss on my part. Actually, it's silly. I'll take it back it's fine don't look," he said hurriedly, attempting to pry the box from Dean, who promptly slapped his hands away.

"No! Be good and stay there," Dean opened up the folded piece of paper.

_**Dean,**_

_**By the time you read this I will presumably have been killed. However, I wish for you to know that I would rather die as a human than live for eternity as an angel and not know what it is to feel. You gave me emotions, Dean. As a human I can no longer deny them, nor do I wish to. So thank you, Dean Winchester. And because I will be dead, and therefore I do not have to worry about the rejection you will surely offer, I give you this:**_

_**I love you.**_

_**I have for a while, but only now am I truly understanding what this means. I would fall from Heaven for you again and again, and I do not intend to resume my status as an angel, should I live and you restore Heaven.**_

_**Thank you, Dean, and Merry Christmas.**_

_**Love, Castiel**_

Dean looked at the man who was now trying to remove himself from where he lay across Dean.

"Hold it! Where do you think you're going?" He demanded, tugging on Castiel's wrist so that he fell back into place with a small "oof!"

"Um. Not here?" Castiel suggested.

"You can't just say shit like that and then walk off without me saying it back!" Dean leaned in so that all Castiel could see was iridescent green.

"I love you."

The words were breathed into Castiel's parted lips, more intimate and loving than anything either of them had ever experienced. Castiel couldn't bear it anymore, and he kissed Dean forcefully. Dean kissed back, and the room's other occupants awkwardly made their way out, leaving the hunter and the fallen angel to kiss one another over and over as they found new ways to say those three words. Dean froze.

"What is it?"

"So, you're like, gonna be a human now? You're gonna stay here?"

"Yes. I wish to experience life. I wish to stay with you, I wish to grow old with you and to love you. I wish to fall asleep every night with you and be able to wake up next to you in the morning. If that's what you also want, of course."

"That sounds pretty awesome, Cas. I just...I don't want you missing out on Heaven. I don't want you to end up hating me for letting you give it all up."

"Dean Winchester, I could never hate you. Now shut up, remember the fact that I am in love with you, and kiss me."

So Dean did. And it was the best Christmas ever.

* * *

**AN: I dunno, I just gave them the presents I though were appropriate. Let me know if you love/hate it!**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: I had this idea, and I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I would like to say before you read this that I don't know much about selective mutism, just what Google has taught me. So there's that. Nothing else to say, really.**

* * *

The Feeling's Mutual

Living in a hospital isn't the most ideal of situations, but they put up with it. They ended up sharing a room in the mental health ward, in silence. Both had their own reasons for being mute, but obviously neither were going to share. Instead they shared the quiet.

During the first week, the green eyed blonde man stared at the walls. He made no effort to communicate with the nurses who brought him food, or the doctors who attempted to give him counselling therapy. He just sat there. The only person who could get him to make any kind of response was the insanely tall, long haired man who visited him every afternoon. When he appeared, the man would become instantly alert, gesturing wildly as he silently begged to be removed. The tall man brought in a blonde girl, obviously his girlfriend, sometimes, and the mute man would gesture at her, too. However, his pleas to leave were unhindered, and he stayed.

The dark haired, blue eyed man, on the other hand, smiled politely at everyone who entered the room. He had been in the room a few weeks before the other arrived, and the nurses fawned over him. Anyone who saw him was under the impression that even if he spoke, he wouldn't say much anyway. He had the quiet air of someone who patiently listened to whatever was said to him, before giving a careful, considered response. No one visited him – the reason for this being a part of the reason for his mutism – and he simply observed events surrounding him, often gazing out the window that overlooked the gardens for hours at a time.

By the end of the second week, the blue eyed man had managed to coax his companion into games of chess. Despite the fact that the green eyed man did not know how to play at first, the brunette taught him through a variety of printed instructions and gesticulating in great detail. Soon enough, they were evenly matched, and the green eyed man was learning to smile again. They moved onto other games, such as Operation (Green Eyes chuckling silently at the fact that they were playing Operation in a _hospital_ while Blue Eyes smiled at him), Snakes and Ladders, Candyland, and the odd puzzle. Sometimes they simply sat in companionable silence, reading. Green Eyes favoured Vonnegut, while Blue Eyes preferred to pore over analysis of religious texts.

They were entirely oblivious to the small contingent of nurses that watched them through the glass on a daily basis, smiling.

With the end of the third week, the giant man's visits were only every couple of days, due to his college attendance. Green Eyes was despondent at the news, but Blue Eyes soon cheered him up by sliding his dessert (a piece of apple pie) over next to Green Eyes' dessert, giving him double. Green Eyes smiled at him with real affection, and the watching nurses held their breath as the two men gazed at each other with warm fondness.

After a month had passed the two of them were able to communicate entire sentences with a single look. It wasn't uncommon for the nurses bringing their meals in to find Green Eyes sat at the end of Blue Eyes' bed, waving his arms as he signed a story, with Blue Eyes beaming, or for Blue Eyes to be stood over Green Eyes as he slept, woken by the man's wordless sobs from his nightmares. He sent away the nurses with a single look, smoothing the blonde hair away from that creased forehead, and sitting by the other man's bed throughout the night holding his hand. When it happened for the fifth night in a row, Green Eyes stopped being surprised by his presence, and looked at the other gratefully, before patting the space next to him for Blue Eyes to lie down and stop sleeping in the uncomfortable chair.

The doctor who walked in the next morning found them asleep in Green Eyes' bed, holding one another closely even asleep, and left without a word. It didn't happen every night, but it happened a lot.

And they were still silent.

Things continued like this for two months, and the occasional touches between the two became more and more frequent. Silence, but with a gentle hand brushing a cheek as one stood up to sit in his own bed. Hands touching when one made a move during chess. Staring at one another for full minutes wordlessly, because they didn't need words. Not really.

They did leave the room, occasionally. The other patients accepted them into their gatherings around the small tables in the cafeteria. One girl, petite and blonde, had slits down her forearms and a brash attitude. A quiet, nervous looking Asian boy with wide eyes heard voices claiming to be angels. A man with peach fuzz and a New Orleans accent hallucinated that there were vampires and demons everywhere looking for him. One day he left and never came back.

At the end of the fourth month, everything changed.

It was Green Eyes, this time, who was woken up in the night by the sound of sobbing. He sat up in bed, confused, and looked over at his roommate, who was thrashing around in his bed. His mouth was open in a silent scream, and Green Eyes responded on automatic, leaping out of bed and padding across the small space that separated the two before lying down next to the other mute. He ran his hands down the arms that threatened to knock the bedside lamp to the floor and held the smaller man close. Blue Eyes awoke just as he placed a small kiss on his forehead, and looked up.

For a second, they just looked at one another, before Blue Eyes smiled. They fell asleep like that, Blue Eyes tucking himself into Green Eyes' torso, and the both of them wrapping their arms securely around one another. Green Eyes still had his lips pressed into the dark messy hair when they woke up hours later.

Neither of them knew of the other's secret visits to the man who had an office on the same floor as them, where low, nervous voices leaked out from under the door, trying and testing vowels for the first time in months, becoming accustomed to the way sound felt as it throbbed along the long unused vocal cords.

The long haired man who visited Green Eyes saw the way they interacted, and related it all to his blonde haired girlfriend. He surprised Green Eyes one day by simply holding up a hand and flashing a gold engagement ring. Green Eyes jumped up, hugging his brother and almost knocking him over with his enthusiasm. After the man left, Blue Eyes laid a hand on his companion's shoulder. Green Eyes looked up at him, and tears were shining in his eyes as he smiled. The smaller man pulled him out of the chair he sat in, and pressed his lips to his cheek before folding him in his arms. They stood there for a while, breathing in the scent of one another and ignoring their racing heartbeats.

One day, six months after Green Eyes arrival, Blue Eyes walked in to find his friend sat on his bed, staring at the floor and wringing his hands nervously. Before he could tap him and start signing to ask what was wrong, the other man looked up and smiled, opening his mouth.

"Hey, Castiel."

A pause.

"Hello, Dean."

FIN

* * *

**AN: Thoughts? Again, I am far from an expert on selective mutism and mental health, and if I've made it look offensive or something then I apologise please tell me ASAP. **


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: So I was watching Stonehenge Apocalypse earlier, and this popped into my head. Destiel, pie, cute and fluffy dress ups. Oh, and Sam shipping it.**

* * *

Stonehenge Apocalypse

"IT WAS A ROBOT HEAD!"

"Cas, what the hell is going on?"

The angel of Thursday glared at Dean.

"Hush, Dean. I am saving the world."

Dean Winchester rolled his eyes.

"Cas, come on man. Take us back to our universe, for the love of your dad."

A pause, and then a heavy sigh.

"Fine."

With a flash, the three men – Sam, Dean and Castiel – found themselves back in the bunker. Sam mooched off to the library, sensing that Dean was about to explode with rage at the angel for spontaneously dragging them into an alternate universe.

"Cas, seriously?! What the hell was that?!"

Castiel briefly looked ashamed, glancing down at himself. He still wore the red shirt, jeans and dark navy jacket he had worn in the other world, and it looked strange on him. The casual clothing, as opposed to the suit and trenchcoat combination, made him look like more a hunter, and it was deeply unnerving.

"The version of me in the world Balthazar sent you to….he was in a film. I looked at it, and the character he portrays saves the world, Dean. All I do is destroy this world, and I wanted to experience what it would be like to save it, for once."

Dean digested this, and his heart melted a little at the downcast expression on the angel's face. He thought for a second, then grinned.

"Right, come on. We're taking a break from this hunting crap, and you're gonna have some fun"

"Where are we going?" Castiel asked.

"You'll see."

* * *

Sam opened Dean's bedroom door, before stopping short at the sight that greeted him.

Dean had a white sheet thrown over his head, with two holes cut in it so that he could see. He was stood on his bed, arms raised, as Castiel squirted water at him gleefully with a water pistol.

"Back, evil ghost!" the angel cried, and Dean clutched at his hear in mock agony before falling to his knees.

"Oh no! I've been-" Dean broke off as he realised his younger brother stood in the doorway. "-oh…hey Sammy."

Sam raised his eyebrows.

"Hey guys. What's up?"

"Uh…nothin'. Just taking a break." Dean's voice came out from under the sheet, sounding self conscious. The outline of his arm came up and rubbed the back of his neck, and Sam could barely contain his smile.

"That's cool. Have fun."

He shut the door just as Dean gave a loud yell and launched himself off the bed, tackling Castiel to the floor as they burst out laughing.

_Have they told each other how they feel yet or…..?_

* * *

"Dean, I am perfectly capable-"

"-You're not doing it properly, Cas!"

Dean grabbed the chopping knife from Castiel and began to dice the apples as the disgruntled angel looked on.

"You gotta cube them, dude. Not just slice them. If the apple's just in slices, then when you try and cut the pie up, it'll be everywhere. Okay?"

"Yes, Dean. However, as this pie is intended for you, I was not aware that it would be necessary to divide it."

Silence.

"This pie was for me?"

"What other possible reason could I have to attempt to bake, Dean?"

* * *

Sam opened the door to Dean's bedroom quietly, careful not to disturb the two inside. He grinned at what he saw.

Amidst a damp, torn sheet that had two holes cut into it and clothes that were scattered everywhere, covered in pastry crumbs and smiling contentedly, Dean and Castiel slept on. They had their arms snugly wrapped around one another, and obviously had no intention of letting the other go. Two plates and a pie dish were discarded on the floor, and traces of filling were smeared on the sheets.

Sam shut the door, making a wholehearted effort to forever blank the memory of his brother's bare ass from his mind, and walked back to the library.

_Finally._


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Written for a friend of mine as a birthday present, because I am poor and have nothing else to offer. I am willing to take any prompts or ideas anyone has, btw.**

**So yeah, have some Destiel birthday fluff.**

* * *

Dean awoke the morning of January 24 like he would any other day. Just because it was his birthday it didn't mean anything was different, except for his age. Dean realised he was now 35, and groaned. 35 years old, and no one to actually give a shit. He and Sam had long since stopped celebrating birthdays, like they'd never celebrated Christmas properly, and Castiel was off doing his own thing.

Not that he was thinking about Castiel caring about him.

At all.

Pushing these thoughts aside, Dean left his bedroom in search of a birthday beer. Who cared if he'd just woken up? It was happy hour somewhere.

The kitchen was silent when Dean entered. However, Dean was stunned by what he found. A huge banner spanned the opposing wall, and black and white balloons dotted a rainbow-confetti covered floor. At the centre of the table, there was a large pie with a single candle sticking out of the top.

The real kicker, though, was the sentiment printed across the banner. In thick, black letters on a plain white background.

IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY.

Dean stared. And stared.

"Uh….hello? Sammy?" he called out, uncertain. There was a familiar flutter behind him, and he turned around.

"Hello Dean"

"Cas? The hell?" Dean realised that he was practically nose to nose with the angel, and stepped back slightly. Castiel stared at him, head tilted to one side.

"It is your birthday, Dean. During the course of our friendship, I have realised that you two do not celebrate birthdays. I have sought to change this, despite Sam's protestations. He reassured me that you would not be expecting anything, even though you always sneak him a gift or token on his birthdays. I….I did not want you to be alone, Dean. You deserve a birthday celebration for once."

Dean was speechless, gazing at the angel. Castiel grew more and more anxious, finally asking "Dean?"

Dean grabbed the angel and pulled him into a hug. Castiel stiffened slightly before relaxing into the embrace and hugging back, as Dean buried his face in his neck and whispered, "Thanks, Cas".

Castiel flushed red at the feel of the hunter's breath caressing his skin, and gripped Dean tightly as he murmured back, "You're welcome, Dean."

They stayed like that for a while, and surprisingly enough it wasn't weird at all. Finally, however, Dean pulled back, smiling.

"So, where's Sammy, anyway?"

"He said he would be back later – and then he winked at me. I am not sure why . I feel he may have wanted you and I to be alone."

Dean snorted and moved to the table.

"Who made the pie, then?" He subconsciously licked his lips as the smell of warm apple pie hit him full blast.

"…..I did."

The Winchester's head whipped round.

"Seriously? I was joking man, I thought it was store bought. You actually made a pie for me?"

Castiel nodded, biting his lip as he studied Dean's reaction – which was to flump down into the nearest chair

"No one's made me a pie," he mumbled. "Not like….for me, you know? Not since Mom."

He blindly reached out, grabbing the bottom half of Castiel's tie, and dragging him into an awkward hug – Dean still sat in the chair with his arms around Castiel's waist, face pressed into his stomach, while Castiel rested his hands on Dean's shoulders and neck, rubbing reassuringly.

"I know." His gravelly voice was loaded with meaning. Dean peered up at his stoic face.

"What?"

"I…..visited her. And you. When you were an infant."

At this, Dean pulled back to stare at him properly.

"You did what?"

"I went to visit your mother. I thought she might want to wish you a happy birthday. She was a remarkable woman….she….I held you, Dean."

Castiel's thoughts flashed back as he spoke. To appearing before a terrified Mary Winchester, and informing her of who he was – an angel. Dean's guardian angel. After attacking him and trying to kill him several times (reminding Castiel all too strongly of her eldest son), Mary had shown him Dean. A tiny, fragile infant, who had started to cry at the commotion. Castiel reacted automatically, picking him up and rocking him gently as he made soothing noises. Mary made a small noise of surprise, and Castiel let loose a rare smile.

"He has settled quickly," he remarked, as Dean's sobs quieted almost immediately.

"He's never like that for anyone! He likes you," Mary laughed. A small flush appeared on Castiel's face as he replied shyly, "Oh. Well I….I quite like him too."

Something changed in Mary Winchester's face as he said that, as if she suddenly understood a lot more than Castiel let on, or was even aware of. Sleepily, the infantile Dean grabbed at Castiel's trenchcoat, bundling what he could in his chubby fists as he fell asleep on the angel's shoulder. Castiel chuckled, remarking to Mary: "He grabs it frequently in the future, too."

Mary watched as the angel, now awestruck at the sight of Dean asleep on him, rubbed the back of Dean's neck and head, whispering to him in Enochian.

"What are you saying to him?"

"A promise."

There was a pregnant pause.

"I am promising him that angels are watching over him, and that I will do what I can to protect him."

Mary smiled.

"'Angels are watching over you.' I like that."

"I thought you might."

Mary hesitated, and then reached for her wrist.

"If he knows you, if he knows angels exist….he hunts, doesn't he?"

Castiel didn't see the point in lying.

"Yes. He's the best."

"And I'm not there to look after him."

It wasn't a question.

"He has a photograph of you beside his bed."

The woman allowed herself a small sob, before unclasping the charm bracelet from around her wrist.

"Give this to him, then. You said he's turning 35, where you're from. This is all I can protect him with."

Castiel lay down the sleeping baby carefully before taking the chain from her.

"Thank you, Mary Winchester. It was an honour to meet you. I shall pass on your affections to Dean…and Sam."

"Sam?"

"Wait four years."

Mary's eyes shone.

"Goodbye, Castiel. Thank you."

And Castiel had returned, appearing outside the bunker.

* * *

Dean continued to stare at the angel. Castiel reached into his pocket and pulled out the bracelet before giving it to Dean.

"I altered it slightly, so that it will fit your wrist. It has magic, Dean. Protective bonds, reinforced by Mary giving it to you. I also added a layer of protection to it," he added, looking slightly embarrassed. Wordlessly, Dean fixed the bracelet around his wrist.

"Thanks, Cas"

They remained in silence for a couple of moments, gazing at one another until Dean smiled.

"So, to round off the best birthday ever, pie?"

* * *

Sam arrived back at the bunker a few hours later, gripping a small paper bag.

"Dean? Cas?" he called out.

Entering the lounge, he found the two of them on the couch. The menu screen for 'Star Wars V: A New Hope' was on a loop as the two men rested. Dean leaned against Castiel, comfortably tucked into the V of his legs and his head resting on his angel's chest. Castiel himself was (unnecessarily) dozing, one hand resting in Dean's hair as if he had simply dozed off whilst carding through the dark blonde hair, the other hand holding onto Dean's free hand – which had a silver chain around the wrist. There was a large pie dish resting on the floor beside the couch with a single fork inside it, however there were crumbs dusting both Dean and Castiel's mouth and torsos.

Sam took the DVD out before simply smiling and muttering, "Son of a bitch did it."


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: My sister was given a scoubi making kit and I went nuts and made a green and blue one and I was like holy shit I'm 12 years old again. And then I was all 'IT MATCHES THE COLOUR OF THEIR EYES' and got all philosophical and shit about Destiel and scoubis and this was born. Was meant to be short and sweet, got kind of longer than expected. Enjoy! Reviews are nice!**

* * *

Of Scoubis and Sandcastles

The pair of them had been inseparable since day one: The day Dean had accidentally knocked over Castiel's sandcastle, causing the smaller boy to promptly burst into tears. Dean, his big heart unable to deal with the thought that it had been _him_ to cause the other boy to cry, had immediately offered to help rebuild it. Within the next ten minutes, the two of them were best friends, short blonde hair almost brushing against the mop of dark brown as they worked to create a sand kingdom. The two five year olds left school that day with their respective guardians, talking nine to the dozen about their new friend.

They were like that all throughout school, right up until the ages of 17. They knew each other like the backs of their hands – had practically been adopted into one another's families, who only lived a street away from one another. It was habitual for Michael or Gabriel (Castiel's older brothers and, in the case of Michael, guardian) to find Dean in Castiel's room with him, without even knowing he was in the house in the first place. It was common for Dean to wake up at 3am with his phone buzzing with a text from Castiel, that simply said "Outside. Walk?"

Dean always said yes.

They always ended up at their old primary school when this happened, uncovering the sandpit and building sandcastles.

* * *

It was a hot, sunny afternoon when Dean scaled the wall of the Novak home and tapped impatiently on the glass of his best friend's window. Castiel sighed and let him in, returning to what he was doing as Dean flopped onto Castiel's bed next to him from the windowsill.

"It's so freaking hot, man."

"Really? I never would have guessed," Castiel said mildly, making another loop in the plastic thread. Dean, who was about to shoot back a remark about just where his quiet friend could shove his sarcasm, abruptly grinned as he realised what the slightly built boy was doing.

"Dude. Are you making a scoubi?"

"Um….no?" Castiel said, quickly shoving the half-finished accessory underneath his pillow.

"Nah uh. You totally are! What, are you like stuck in 2007? Is Avril Lavigne about to start singing about how much she hates your girlfriend?" Dean snorted. He had always been the louder of the two, Castiel quietly following his lead. The both of them were fiercely protective of one another – many shared nosebleeds and bruises were the result of someone (mainly Lucifer Pellegrino) thinking it was okay to pick on one half of the duo. As Dean looked at the blush on his friends face, he wondered when his feelings had gone from 'protective best friendship' to 'I'm 100% completely and utterly in love with you and have been since we met but I'm really stupid and didn't realise this sooner and honestly Cas I wanna spend the rest of my life with you'. He knew he'd only fully understood when Lisa Braedon, hottest girl in school, had cornered him after school one day and attempted to make out with him. An image of Castiel's face had seared itself into Dean's brain, and he couldn't run away fast enough. He'd told the (heavily edited) version to Castiel later, and the pair of them roared with laughter at how awkward the following day would be with Lisa, who was Castiel's lab partner in the one class he and Dean didn't share. Dean's laughter had been affected, though, by the distraction caused by the way the light reflected off Castiel's eyes and hair as he threw back his head with rare, guttural laughter.

Castiel's fingers tightened around the hidden scoubi.

"Just drop it, Dean."

"No, this is funny! I wanna see it," Dean lunged forward before Castiel could react, managing to free the scoubi from Castiel's grasp. He tried in vain to ignore the fact that he was now practically lying on top of his best friend – they'd play-wrestled before, come on – and both boys were too caught up in their own racing heartbeats to notice that the other was in the exact same predicament.

"Give it back!" Castiel complained in vain. Dean ruled him completely, heart and soul, whether he was aware of it or not. Castiel had realised that he was in love with his best friend the day Dean had told him about Lisa. A wholly unexpected feeling of possessiveness had taken control of him after the shock had worn off, and it had been with a cocktail of hysteria, relief and genuine amusement that he had laughed when Dean recounted how he had run away. Hysteria because _holy shit, I'm in love with Dean. __**Dean.**_ Relief because Dean hadn't wanted Lisa to kiss him. Amusement because, well, maybe he and Lisa, Captain of the cheerleading squad, had more in common that originally thought – they both wanted Dean. Castiel knew that no one could love Dean like he did, though. He knew Dean inside and out, had been there for him though his father's alcoholism and recovery, through the countless detentions suffered for defending Sam or Castiel against 'that dickbag Lu Pellegrino'. He knew exactly how to make Dean laugh, what would make him cry (and therefore what to avoid). He knew Dean's deepest fears, even if they were unsaid. He knew that Dean, with his heart full of affection and love for everyone around him, was terrified of being abandoned by those he cared about, and had promised himself a long time ago – quite possibly the day they met – that he would never leave this boy to be alone again.

Right now, however, Castiel wanted nothing more than for Dean to be off him, because otherwise he was definitely going to have the most awkward boner _ever_.

"Them's some pretty colours, Cas," Dean commented as he inspected the scoubi. He was now leaning against the wall one Castiel's bed, legs thrown across his friend and pinning him down where he lay. "Why blue and green?"

Castiel stared determinedly at the ceiling as he replied, "Nothing. It's stupid."

"Aw, come on! You suck at lying, man. Especially to me. I know your tells, dude, and you chewing the inside of your cheek and not looking at me? That's one of 'em."

There was a sigh.

"It is really stupid."

"I don't care. This is me, you realise. Your best friend?"

"Yes, well. It was going to be a friendship keychain this. For you. Midsummer present thing? Green for your eyes, blue for mine. Just so you know I'm not going anywhere. The way the threads interlock…..I know that you are scared people will leave you, Dean, and this was to show you that our friendship, like this accessory, is something far more permanent." Castiel refused to look at Dean as he spoke, gaze still fixated on the crack in the ceiling plaster. Dean looked at him, then the scoubi.

"That's not stupid, Cas. That's…that's awesome."

Now Castiel looked at him. "Really?"

"Yeah! I mean, the blue is kinda off, your eyes are darker and they have these little flecks of grey in them that…" Dean's voice trailed off, and now _he_ was the one blushing.

"Dean, are you waxing poetic about my eyes?" Castiel teased.

"Shuddup."

"I'm flattered, really!"

Dean stared at the scoubi still in his palm, then back at his best friend.

"Cas, can you shut up for a second?"

"Um, okay." The two of them shuffled so that Castiel was now against the wall next to Dean.

"You know that whole spiel you just gave about staying my friend?"

"Yes, Dean. I was the one talking, in case you didn't realise."

"Dude, shut up. Would you still be my friend if I…um"

"If you what?"

"Did this." And Dean ignored the butterflies causing a riot in his stomach and brushed his lips over Castiel's. They were slightly dry and chapped, but that was a part of what made them perfect. Castiel stared at him, heart thudding painfully in his ribs.

"What was that for?" he asked breathlessly. Dean looked at him with something akin to despair.

"Been wanting to do that for a while. Sorry, I'll just…I'll just go." Dean went to climb out of the window, to run away and hide himself forever, but a hand on his arm stopped him.

"Dean." Before Dean knew it, Castiel was pulling him back down, and they were kissing passionately, tongues deciding to join the party as Dean opened his mouth with a low moan and attempted to lose himself within Castiel. Castiel fisted his hands in Dean's hair, whimpering slightly as he pulled his friend so that Dean lay on top of him.

They did need air, however, and broke off, gasping. Castiel stroked Dean's cheek gently with a single finger as he said "I've been wanting to do that for a while, too."

"Since when?" Dean was unable to remove his stare from Castiel's deliciously flushed face and the way he was smiling dreamily up at Dean.

"Since you told me about Lisa. Well, that's when I realised it. Probably before then, though."

Dean gaped.

"Dude, same."

"What?" Castiel's brow furrowed with confusion. Dean blushed and hid his face in Castiel's neck, the last part of his sentence muttered into Castiel's skin.

"She tried to kiss me, and….all I wanted was you." Dean confessed.

Castiel pondered this, slowly rubbing lazy circles into the back of Dean's neck.

"Interesting." Dean let out a snort, pulling back his head to see Castiel's thoughtful expression.

"Cas, do you wanna be my boyfriend? Like, officially and stuff?"

They smiled at each other.

"Yes. Yes I do, Dean."

The scoubi was pressed between their palms as their lips met once more for a slow, sweet kiss, fingers tangling and keeping a firm hold of one another.

* * *

The transition from 'best friends' to, well….'insanely in love' was virtually non-existent. Mary, John and Sam Winchester had merely smiled and said they had assumed it was like that already, causing the both of them to go bright red. On the other hand, Gabriel had screeched "IIII KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW IIIIIITTTTTTTT!" to the heavens, before leaping onto Michael's back and forcing the aggrieved eldest brother to give him a victory piggyback ride around the house as he tossed lollipop wrappers around in celebration.

At school, no one was surprised in the least when they wandered around hand in hand, with Dean pressing Castiel up against his locker for a kiss goodbye when the bell went. A couple of people (encouraged by Gabriel, no doubt) had even cheered and whistled, making the two of them smile in embarrassment before kissing again.

All in all, it was pretty awesome. And all thanks to a stupid scoubi.

* * *

_10 years later_

Dean's keys jangled in his pocket as he strode to the front door of his home. Pulling them out, he gave the worn green and blue scoubi that dangled from them a small smile before letting himself in.

"Cas! I'm home!" he called out, before all the air was knocked out of him. Castiel pressed his face into Dean's shoulder, hugging him tightly.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas. A little warning next time?" Dean mock-wheezed, causing the both of them to stagger dramatically.

"You know you like my bear hugs." Castiel's voice was muffled and amused.

"Yeah, I do," Dean tipped his husbands chin up as he tossed his keys aside and they kissed, slow and deep.

"I love you, Cas."

"I love you too, Dean."

FIN


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: Based off a tumblr prompt from hppea. So yeah, hope it goes down well.**

* * *

"Are you kidding me?!" Dean was pretty pissed off. All he wanted was a place to live, two bedrooms in case Sammy visited, small and simple. But the real estate people had fucked up big time, and now the guy he'd known for all of 15 minutes in the damn waiting room at the agent's office had his name on the freaking title deed too. "How could anyone fuck up this badly?!"

The real estate – Bela Talbot – cowered slightly as he seethed. "Sir, I have no idea how this happened. However, the one positive is that the two of you now get back half the cost of the house?" She gave a hopeful smile.

"That's not the freaking point! It's my house, fair and square!"

"If I may interject?" a mild voice said. Dean spun to look at the guy he now owned a house with – Castle, or something.

"What?"

"I'm also in need of a place to live, and I do not wish to give up ownership of the house. Considering the fact that we have already paid, and these lovely people now owe us half the cost of the house each, might we not simply….share?" The dark haired, blue eyed man seemed largely indifferent to living with Dean, who was simply too tired to continue arguing with anyone anymore.

"Fine. Whatever. I'm Dean Winchester, your new roomie."

"And I am Castiel Novak. Hello, Dean."

By the next day, the two men had moved all of their stuff into their new home and chosen their respective bedrooms.

* * *

Six months later, and Dean was on the verge of killing something. Castiel was so damn _frustrating_! Not everything had to be spick and span 100% of the time! Plus, he'd made Dean feel guilty every time he wanted a beer. Sure, Dean knew he drank a bit more than others, but come on!

So Dean now drank less.

Castiel also worked really stupid hours – 7am to 6pm – and it was fucking ridiculous, the way that Dean always woke up at the same time as him, no matter how quietly the man got ready for work. Dean, ever the sucker for a guilt complex, always made sure he made enough dinner for Castiel – or "Cas" as he'd ended up calling him – when he got home, because it didn't really seem fair that the guy worked insane hours all week as a freaking tax accountant. Dean reflected on his own job, and decided that being a 9-5 mechanic for his uncle was pretty damn awesome.

Castiel was still fucking annoying, though. Despite how insanely attractive he was, and the fact that Dean more often than not was jerked awake in the middle of the night by increasingly erotic dreams of those piercing blue eyes, that stupidly messy hair, the way he stared at Dean for just a little too long, the thought of that lean body that Dean had caught a glimpse of when Castiel walked past his room in nothing but a towel (now _that_ had kept him awake for hours), the thought of those chapped, perfect lips wrapped around his….

Yeah. Annoying.

It all came to a head on night, when Dean had walked into the kitchen at 11pm to find his housemate scrubbing the countertop with an almost fervent energy.

"Dude, the hell?"

"There was a stain. It needs to be treated before it seeps into the work surface."

"It's 11 at night! Go to bed!"

"But-"

"No! It's bad enough that I get woken up at oh-my-God-o-clock every damn morning by you, I don't need to be kept up at night by your obsessive cleaning!"

They glared at one another for a moment, and then Dean suddenly found himself with an armful of Castiel, warm lips pressed against his. Before he knew what he was doing, he kissed back, before they suddenly pulled away from each other and stared in blatant shock.

"You're so fucking annoying," Dean growled, and then they were kissing again and that was all that mattered.

Castiel had him shoved against the opposite wall, and he pulled away just so that he could line up his mouth with the shell of Dean's ear. "You should show me…some respect," he snarled, and Dean let out a poorly repressed whimper of pleasure as his skin trembled from Castiel's warm breath. Castiel – quiet, tax accountant Castiel – smirked, and Dean felt himself be dragged up the narrow stairs, the two men stopping every few steps to pull the other in and share a heated kiss.

Finally, _finally_, they were in Dean's bedroom, and Dean was pushed backwards onto the bed. He landed on his back, and licked his lips as Castiel undid the tie that was around his neck (why the hell was he still in his work suit at 11 at night?!) before stripping himself of his clothes. Dean reached for his own belt, but was beaten to it by long fingers that worked expertly to work his jeans off. He thrust into the air helplessly, pulling his t shirt off and letting a low cry out as Castiel yanked his boxers off and the cool night air met his hardened cock.

"Cas, oh god, please –" he cut himself off as Castiel did what Dean had been dreaming about for months, and swiped his tongue around the head of Dean's cock before slowly but firmly sliding his mouth down the entire length. Dean thrashed feebly, but Castiel's hands pinned his hips down with a strength that Dean could only now appreciate as he stared at the muscles on Castiel's back as they rippled. Castiel's head bobbed up and down, and the warmth pooled in Dean's stomach as the wet heat around him sucked and pulled him closer to the brink until –

Castiel pulled off and licked his lips as he looked into Dean's eyes. Dean swallowed, and Castiel slowly reached into his own mouth with two fingers, sucking on them slowly and making them wet.

"Are you ready for this Dean?" he asked huskily, and Dean nodded. The fact that they lived together, that they'd only known each other for six months, that Castiel was one of the most stubborn idiots that he'd ever met, none of it mattered, because Castiel was now kissing him after speaking in his stupidly sexy voice, and Dean could taste himself on Castiel's tongue, and damn if it wasn't the hottest things ever. Castiel slid his hand in between Dean's legs, and Dean spread them before half tucking his knees into his chest. Suddenly, a cool, moist finger was brushing past his balls, and circling his entrance slowly. Dean relaxed, and then the finger was breaching him, probing in further and working itself in and out. Dean moaned hoarsely, and then another finger was being added, Castiel slowly working him open as Dean writhed in abandon.

"Please, Cas, please, I can take it, another, please!"

And so Castiel added a third finger, as he leaned down and then he was kissing Dean's neck, sucking and nibbling and laving it with his tongue, and Dean was pinned down more by his own ecstasy than any force of Castiel's. Castiel hovered above him, looking him directly in the eyes.

"Are you ready, Dean? Do you want me to fuck you now?"

Dean, unable to speak for fear that he might say exactly what he was thinking – _please please please Cas please IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou please_ - nodded, his gaze never leaving the man above him. Castiel licked the palm of his hand several times, and then slicked up his cock with his own saliva, and then the head was pushing against Dean's puckered hole and then was slowly pushing inside him and it shouldn't have felt so good without lube but _holy shit_. Dean bucked his hips, trying to get Castiel deeper inside of him, and then Castiel finally bottomed out, and the two of them tried to regain their breath, staring at one another until Dean groaned, "For the love of God, Cas, _move!_"

And Castiel did, slowly sliding in and out of Dean and managing to hit his prostate every damn time and it was all Dean could do to wrap his bow legs around Castiel's hips to urge him to go faster and faster and faster until his vision whited out and all he knew was that he was sobbing Castiel's name and spurting thick ropes of come all over their stomachs without even being touched as Castiel gave one last thrust and painted his insides white before collapsing on top of him, not caring that their chests were sticky.

They lay there for a while, panting, before falling asleep holding onto one another.

* * *

When Dean woke up the next morning, Castiel was gone. A note lay on the pillow next to him.

_Dean,_

_I am sorry for not being there when you woke, however I woke up at 8am and am now running late for work._

_We shall talk upon my arrival home._

_Castiel_

Dean looked at the clock, and panicked when he realised it was now 10am.

"Shit!"

* * *

Bobby hadn't cared that he was late – it was a slow day, after all, and Dean had been told to go home at 4 anyway. He slumped on the couch with a beer in one hand, not-really-watching old episodes of Star Trek as he thought about the previous night.

It was only 5:30 when he heard the front door slam, followed by frantic swearing and a loud thump.

"Cas?" He went into the entrance hall, to find Castiel with red rimmed eyes as he raised a fist to punch the wall again.

"Cas! What the hell?"

"They fucking fired me! I'm late for the first time in ten fucking years, and they fucking fired me! I can't fucking do anything right!" Castiel yelled, and Dean felt a surge of guilt before he simply reached out and pulled the smaller man in for a hug. Castiel went limp in his arms, shaking with his face buried in Dean's chest, and Dean realised he was crying.

"Hey, it's fine, man. You'll get another job, a better one, got it? It's gonna be okay," Dean soothed him, rubbing small circles into Castiel's back. "Come on, we can't just stand here."

They ended up on the couch, Castiel curled up into Dean as the mechanic held him, trying to pin point the exact moment he'd fallen in love with the blue eyed man.

* * *

It had been a whole year since they'd moved in, and six months since they'd had the best sex of Dean's life (until the next time they had sex. And the time after that. And the time after….well, yeah). Castiel found a new job at the library, one that let him work from 9-5, which meant Dean could drop him off on his way to work.

It was a Thursday when Dean pulled up outside the library, twirling the key in his hand. Castiel slid into the car, and leaned over to kiss him.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas."

They drove home in contented silence, holding one another's hand, and pulled up outside the house that had started it all.

"Hey, Cas, um…I gotta question for you."

"What is it, Dean?"

Dean held out the key.

"Do you wanna move in with me?"

Castiel blinked.

"Dean, we already live together."

"Yeah, no, I mean like…you can totally have your stuff in my room, if you want. So yeah, do you wanna move in with me?"

Castiel stared at him.

"Dean…."

"Oh my god, Cas, just answer the damn question!"

Castiel flung himself across the seat, kissing him firmly and smiling against his lips.

"Yes. Yes I do, Dean Winchester."

FIN

* * *

**AN: Apologies for poorly written smut. This was written in a rush and in under an hour, so I'll probably come back to edit and make it better later today. But for now, here ya go.**


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: I don't even know, I had this idea and I ranted to my friend and he was like omg just write it and I was like I AM DOING IT. So yeah. Nerd!Dean, Quiet!Cas, fluffy smooches and best friendness.**

* * *

Glasses

On the one hand, you'd never have thought they'd be friends. The quiet rich guy with the insane amount of siblings, and the shy but cute nerd with glasses that framed his luminous green eyes.

On the other hand, it wasn't really surprising. Freshman year was the year that Dean Winchester, Nerd Extraordinaire with the biggest "I give zero fucks" attitude was randomly assigned a seat next to Castiel Novak, the youngest of the rich Novak clan and the guy who barely spoke to anyone.

Within a week they were best friends, Castiel helping Dean with his homework and Dean helping Castiel out with…well, everything else. Family drama? Dean was a shoulder to cry on. Car troubles? You got it. Need to know everything about Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who? Dean was your guy.

For 'Cas', at least, anyway. The two of them didn't really hang out with other people, with the exception of Dean's younger brother, Sam.

Castiel really hated it when Dean wore his contact lenses, though. They didn't outline his eyes the way his glasses did.

So two years of Castiel's life was spent at Dean's house after school every day with his best friend hanging out, and when Dean was in the bathroom, Castiel would hide the contact lenses so that Dean would have to wear his glasses the next day.

If Castiel was going to have to suffer through being in love with Dean, then Dean would wear his damn glasses and be adorable, okay?

* * *

Of course, one day he was caught.

"Dude, what the hell are you doing?" Castiel froze as he slid the contact lenses into Dean's desk drawer.

"I, umm…." He stammered, unable to find a response that wouldn't make him sound like a total freak. He'd managed to screw up the one friendship he had, and Dean would think he was a freak and Castiel wouldn't be able to admire him up close anymore.

_Crap._

"I just….."

Dean waited patiently, tapping his foot.

"_I really like your eyes okay?!_" Castiel blurted out, and Dean's foot froze. They stared at each other in silence, which soon became deafening. Dean pushed his glasses slightly further up his nose and blushed.

"I…really like your eyes too," he said softly. Castiel gaped at him like the socially inept dork that he was, and Dean just kept moving closer and closer until….

Dean's mouth felt and tasted even better than Castiel had dreamt it would. He whimpered slightly, mouth opening, and Dean took the chance to cautiously lick the edges of his lips before sliding his tongue in between them. Castiel responded in kind, and as he wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders, pulling him in closer, he felt Dean's hand nudge underneath his "oh my god Cas, you wear that every freaking day" trench coat, and he explored the cavern of Dean's mouth with his own tongue. He could've sworn he was about to faint on the spot when he felt a groan rumble through Dean and reverberate against where his torso was closely pressed against Dean's. When he opened his eyes, Dean was gazing at him, and he pulled away slightly so that they could rest their foreheads against the other's.

"Damn, Cas," Dean murmured hoarsely. "You're telling me I could've been doing that sooner?"

Castiel didn't answer, simply pulling Dean in for more as he smiled against his best friend's mouth.

* * *

No one at school was surprised when they walked in hand in hand the next day, and Dean never wore his contact lenses again.


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: I was watching Jeremy Kyle and this popped into my head. I like Jeremy Kyle, shut up. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

"_I've helped raise your kid for 8 years – is he mine?"_

The tagline flashed across the screen in front of Dean, and he steadily inhaled and exhaled before standing up. He strode over to the stage entrance, in time to hear Gabriel say: "And next on our show – a man who has helped his ex-girlfriend raise 'their' child for 8 years since he was born, but now has doubts about whether the child is his….Dean Winchester!"

Dean walked on stage nervously to the applause of the audience, over to where Gabriel was perched on the edge of an armchair. His roommate's cousin gave him a wink and a nod.

"Dean-o! How are you?"

"Hey, Gabriel," Dean said as he slumped into the chair next to the diminutive man. "You know, I'm here"

As the audience chortled, Gabriel turned back to them, adding, "I forgot to mention, Dean here is my cousin's roommate, but you'll get to meet my baby cuz later! Now, Dean," he said, voice taking on a more serious note, "Lisa was your high school girlfriend, yes?"

At the coaxing tone in Gabriel's voice, Dean leaned forward in his seat to share his story.

"Yeah, I mean…we were together in high school. And I thought we were in love, you know? And one day she tells me she's pregnant. We were both pretty freaked out, but she wanted to keep the baby, so I said I'd be there for her."

He paused as the audience let out sympathetic noises, and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, well, when our son – Ben – was four, we broke up. We still get along, mostly, we just don't work as a couple. She kicked me out, and I promised I'd stick around for Ben's sake. But a few times when we were together…..she said some stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Gabriel prompted.

"Well….she'd say stuff like I wasn't the real father, she wished we'd never stay together….she was drunk when she said it, though, so I didn't take much notice. But the other day, she was dropping Ben off, and we got into a huge argument and she ended up saying she was glad I wasn't Ben's dad, because then he'd have even less chance of being like me."

The audience gasped.

"And I just wanna know the truth, you know? But I wish she hadn't said that stuff in front of Ben. I'm just glad Cas was there to cover his ears when she was saying the worst of it."

"Cas is Castiel, my cousin, by the way!" Gabriel told the audience. "So, you say she's said numerous times you aren't the father, but now she's saying it sober? Wow. And after these DNA results, what will you do?"

Dean gave a helpless shrug.

"I dunno, man. I'll wanna be a part of his life no matter what, I love that kid. I don't want to get back with Lisa, this isn't about that at all. I actually like her new boyfriend, he's cool. I just want to be able to be a part of Ben's life."

On cue, the audience aww'ed again. Gabriel stood up.

"And now, the woman at the centre of it all, Miss Lisa Braedon!"

There was a mix of cheers and boos as Lisa stalked on stage, before scowling at Dean and flopping into the armchair the furthest away from him.

"Hey, Lis," Dean said awkwardly.

"Shut up, Dean."

"Hey! Don't be rude!" Gabriel pouted. Lisa rolled her eyes. "Do you want to give us our side of the story?"

She shrugged.

"I never said that Dean was Ben's father, he just seemed like the most likely candidate."

"We were an exclusive couple!" Dean yelled, half rising from his chair before a warning look from a tall, long haired man in the audience made him sit down. "The hell, Lisa?"

"Lisa, you can't just say stuff like that, especially not to my big brother," the man in the audience called out. Gabriel looked over to him.

"Well if it isn't Sammy! Wanna join us up here? Ladies and gentlemen, Dean's baby brother and my future husband, Sam Winchester!"

Sam blushed as he walked to where Dean sat.

"We aren't even dating, Gabriel!"

"One day, Samsquatch, one day."

"Can we get back to the subject of my big brother's paternity, please?"

"Of course! Lisa, are you admitting to cheating on Dean when you two were together?"

Lisa made a non-committal noise in her throat, and Dean sank lower into his chair.

"It doesn't matter. I don't want him around my kid anymore."

"And why not?"

"Well, he's doing his roommate, isn't he?"

Everyone in the studio gaped at her.

"And I don't want my kid around a bunch of faggots."

The audience erupted, and the security looked as if they were having second thoughts about restraining Dean, Sam, and even Gabriel.

"In case you didn't realise, Lisa, I am one of those….'faggots'," Gabriel said, his tone icy. "And if you are going to use language like that, ever, I would suggest you do it where absolutely no one can hear you, because there won't always be someone to stop you from getting punched in the face."

"Yeah, and I'm not sleeping with Cas!" Dean protested.

She folded her arm. "Whatever."

Gabriel seemed to regain control of himself, and straightened his tie. "Let's bring Cassie out here!"

There was yet another cheer from the audience as a quiet-looking young man made his way on stage, sitting down next to Dean. He patted Dean's arm reassuringly, and Dean gave him a small smile.

"Hey, Cas."

"Hello, Dean."

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"She might have a point about you two, you know."

Castiel glared daggers at the host, who shifted on his feet.

"Anyway, Cassie, what do you have to say about all this?"

Castiel spoke slowly, weighing each word.

"Well, Dean and I have been friends since before he dated Lisa. I supported them wholeheartedly, and was there to help them out with babysitting duties and stuff like that. When Lisa and Dean broke up, he moved in with me, and we both cared for Ben when Dean had him over for the weekend. Dean never really had any doubts until the event in question, when Lisa accused us of sleeping together and told him that she was glad that Ben wasn't his son, because then he wouldn't be a…" his voice trailed off, and he whispered to Gabriel, "am I allowed to say it on television?"

Gabriel clapped him on the shoulder. "Sure!"

"…..a fucking faggot. I was covering Ben's ears by this point, so hopefully he didn't hear too much, but Dean was, obviously, very upset. Lisa took Ben home, and I had to care for Dean the rest of the weekend. He was broken hearted, he loves Ben."

Castiel and Dean's chairs were right next to one another, and Castiel was subconsciously rubbing small circles into the skin of Dean's arm as he spoke, Dean visibly relaxing as he did so. A few people in the audience were nudging one another and pointing at the two surreptitiously, making cute faces as they did so. Gabriel winked at them, and then gestured for the DNA and lie detector results to be brought over.

"Right. First things first. We asked Dean Winchester, at Lisa's insistence: 'Have you ever have sexual contact with Castiel Novak?' He answered 'No'. Wanna know why?"

"I was telling the truth," Dean said, sounding bored.

"He was telling the truth!" Gabriel said, tossing the card in the air before adding, "You guys totally should, though."

"Gabriel!"

"Alright! Next, we asked Lisa Braedon: 'During the course of your relationship with Dean Winchester, did you ever have sexual intercourse with a man other than him, who may potentially be the father of your child?' You answered, 'No'. Why?"

"Because I was telling the truth," Lisa said, glaring at him.

"You're a liar, aren't you Lisa? This test says you were lying."

Dean closed his eyes, and Sam and Castiel hugged him from where they sat either side of him. Lisa stared directly ahead, refusing to react. Gabriel shrugged, and pulled out the next card.

"DNA results! We tested to see whether or not Benjamin Braedon was in fact Dean Winchester's son, and…..oh."

There was a silence.

"Dean, I am so sorry. You are not Ben's father."

Dean stood up and left the stage, as Lisa rose and called after him, "And you're never seeing him ever again!" Castiel and Sam ran after him, and Gabriel glared at Lisa.

"Get off my stage. Balthazar will sort out you and Dean in the AfterCare part now. I never want to see you again."

Lisa stormed offstage. Meanwhile, Dean was in tears backstage, curled with his head in Castiel's lap. Castiel looked at Sam helplessly.

"Should we get him home?"

A man with a v-necked grey sweatshirt that matched his eyes and blonde hair walked up to them.

"Hello, gents. I'm Balthazar, and I'm here just to help make arrangements for Dean and Lisa. I understand she doesn't want Ben to have anything more to do with Dean, but I feel it would be best for this to be explained to Ben. If Dean could write a confidential letter of some sorts to Ben, which I personally ensure will get to him, then it will be a step forward for everyone."

* * *

Dean and Castiel entered their apartment, and Dean flopped onto the couch. Castiel sat on the end that wasn't occupied by Dean's feet, and pretty soon Dean had his head in Castiel's lap, with Castiel absent-mindedly carding his fingers through Dean's hair. Dean sighed.

"What am I gonna do, Cas?"

Castiel's hand stilled as he thought, before resuming it's comforting rhythm. "You are going to write a letter to Ben. And then he is going to read it. Who knows? One day you two may become friends."

Dean sat up and looked at his best friend.

"You're awesome, Cas, you know that? You're just here, putting up with all my shit, and you aren't even complaining. I just…I owe you, man."

Castiel smiled.

"You owe me nothing, Dean. I am here for you, just as you are here for me. What are best friends for?"

Dean wrapped him in an unexpected hug.

"Thanks," he breathed. Castiel patted his back uncertainly.

"You're welcome, Dean." They pulled apart after a couple of minutes, but Castiel noticed Dean's hesitation.

"What is it, Dean?" Dean refused to look at him.

"I sometimes wonder if Lisa was right about us."

Castiel didn't trust himself to speak.

"I mean, I know you're straight, but around you I feel…..I dunno. I can't explain it. Like with the Ben thing, I should feel more upset, but because you're here, I just feel like everything's gonna be fine, you know? Like nothing bad can happen. And I don't feel like that around anyone else, and it's kind of freaking me out, man."

They stared at one another, and Castiel slowly brought his hand up to graze Dean's cheek with his thumb.

"I know exactly what you mean," he whispered, before slowly pulling Dean's face to his own and kissing him. Dean melted instantly, and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. Hesitantly, Castiel brushed his tongue against the opening of Dean's mouth, and Dean eagerly met it with his own, lovingly licking his way into his best friend's mouth as the pair of them let out low groans. Both of Castiel's hands were placed at the back of Dean's neck, holding him close, and Dean drew him in with his arms locking around Castiel's waist.

They leisurely pulled apart, and gazed at each other before Dean gave a small laugh.

"That was new."

"Agreed."

"Wanna go to sleep?"

"Sure."

They fell asleep on Dean's bed, fully clothed, curled into one another.

* * *

8 years later, there was a knock on the door of Dean and Castiel's four bedroom home.

"Dean, can you get that? I'm kind of…." Castiel gestured towards himself, covered head to toe in paint as Claire and Mary Winchester giggled. Dean laughed and stood up from the sofa, leaving his husband and adopted twin daughters in the living room as he made his way to answer the front door.

A teenage boy stood on the porch. Dean hadn't seen him in almost a decade, but he would know that face anywhere.

"Ben?"

"Hi Dean. Can I come in?" Benjamin Braedon said, holding up an ancient scrap of paper. Dean recognised the handwriting on it. It was his own, after all.

**FIN**

* * *

**AN: Leaving it open ended, both so you guys can draw your own conclusions, and I might come back to this 'verse.**

**Also I actually like Lisa in the show, but she just got bitchier the more I wrote and I kind of regret that. So sorry.**

**Reviews are very much appreciated!**


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: This is an epilogue to "The Feeling's Mutual", which is published separately and earlier in this collection.**

**I honestly wasn't planning on adding anything to this. Like at all. If you don't want an epilogue, don't read this.**

**But I got a review that really prompted me to write this, and I hope it does what you wanted justice and that you like it.**

**So yeah, here's an epilogue full of love and fluff and I hope it's well received.**

* * *

Epilogue

Talking was never really a big priority for them.

Not to say they didn't talk – they did as they recovered in the hospital, and after their release a few months after they'd said their first words to one another – but it was with soft voices, deep and rough from disuse. Every word they said to each other, therefore, was loaded with meaning. The first "I need you", the first "Are you okay?"

The first "I love you."

And the quiet whispers at night as they made love in the small apartment they bought together. All the little moments, all the whispers and words and looks they exchanged, they brought light into their lives and made it beautiful again. They were still visited by Sam and Jess, who made enough noise for the four of them anyway.

Dean and Castiel enjoyed the quiet of each other, but also revelled in the happy noise that their only family brought them.

Castiel found work in a library – the only noise there being the soft rustle as pages were turned – and Dean worked in a music store, stocking records in the back. He did smile at the occasional customer, but never really found anything to say to them.

It was a year after they had left the hospital, two years after they'd met, that Dean crawled into bed before Castiel and slid his hand under the pillow.

Something velvety and cube shaped met his fingers, and he drew out the small box before opening it.

A plain silver ring lay inside, with words engraved on the interior:

_You speak louder than words_

Dean stared, and then a soft noise made him look up at the doorway. Castiel stood there anxiously, looking at him. Dean beamed through a haze of tears and slipped the ring onto his finger as he nodded.

And that was all that was needed for Castiel to launch himself onto the bed and onto Dean, as they wrapped their arms around each other and kissed soundly through the salty tears that now made themselves known.

* * *

The wedding was exactly the way it should have been – small and quiet.

They refused to get married in a church, and nowhere really seemed right. They did consider the hospital where they had met, but that was….a bit much.

So on the outskirts of town, in a small orchard, Sam and Jess watched as Dean and Castiel looked into the other's eyes, and murmured their vows as if they were the only ones there. The officiator, a timid man named Chuck who had (by some miracle) become a priest online and employed Castiel, declared them married, and the two of them kissed as Sam and Jess cheered.

* * *

And ten years later, their house was filled with sound as two toddlers chased one another, laughing. Dean and Castiel were still quiet, but it was a different kind of quiet. They basked in the happy noise of their children – a boy named James and a girl named Mary – and their niece, who (to Dean's delight) was named Claire, after Castiel's mother. It was the quiet that comes from contentment and being surrounded by those you love, and Dean loved nothing more than to sit and watch as Castiel played with the twins, singing to them and teaching them how to read in his gravelly, throaty voice. Likewise, Castiel would watch as Dean tucked the two of them into bed, and read them a bedtime story in husky tones.

Their favourite one was "And Tango Makes Three".

* * *

**AN: "And Tango Makes Three" is an amazing kids book about two penguins in Central Park Zoo if you haven't read it, just look it up and it'll make sense.**

**I love that book.**

**So, no plans to come back here, this is me finishing it off.**

**Reviewer who requested this: I suck at this kind of stuff but this was all for you. Your brother sounds like an amazing person and I also wish he'd had that instead of what he got. But I hope you manage to feel better, because you are a great human being and there needs to be more people like you in the world. I'm not going to keep rambling here and end up sounding like a douche, but I do mean what I say.**


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: I'm publishing most of these on AO3, under the name secretlyademigodinthetardis, and there's stuff on there I haven't posted here and vice versa so take a look :)**

**In which Dean and Castiel are college roommates who have been dating in secret for six months.**

* * *

**Okay, Maybe A Little Bit Gay**

* * *

Dean wasn't gay.

He _wasn't_.

He rolled over in bed after waking up to find it was only 4am, and smiled at the sleeping form next to him. Castiel grunted in his sleep, curving his body towards Dean's, seeking the warmth to shield him from the morning chill. Dean kissed his forehead and wrapped another arm around his...best friend? Room mate? Partner?...before snuggling down once more and drifting off back to sleep.

After the mind-blowing sex they'd had the night before, he needed the rest.

* * *

Dean wasn't gay, but he was dating his room mate.

His best friend.

Dean was dating Castiel in secret, okay?

It wasn't that he was ashamed of Castiel - quite the opposite - Dean just...Dean just didn't know how to tell people that he was gay. I mean, Dean Winchester? Gay? It just wasn't something he could relate to himself. So he didn't. Castiel was fine with it, content to wait for Dean to come out in his own time, and they carried on in secret for six months, spending hours at a time locked in their dorm room simply holding one another...or having raging sex. Either was fine by Dean, because he had Castiel, and that was all he would ever need.

* * *

It was with this frame of mind that Dean finally woke up that morning, still curved protectively around Castiel, who was watching him with a small smile on his face. Dean took a deep breath and looked down into his lover's face.

"Hey, Cas?"

"Yes?"

"...I'm gay."

Castiel didn't laugh, as Dean had expected him to. He simply beamed at him, and said "Good, because so am I."

Dean laughed aloud, kissing him until they were both breathless.

"I'm gay, and I'm in love with you!" he declared. Castiel stared at him.

"You love me?"

Dean's exuberance quieted as he stopped to smile adoringly at his boyfriend. (Yeah, boyfriend. That's what he was.)

"Yeah, I love you."

Castiel hauled him down and forced their mouths together, moaning in contented pleasure before pulling back.

"I love you too, you idiot."

They took at least another hour to get out of bed that day.

* * *

September 18th would go down in the universities history as the day that Engineering major Dean Winchester dragged his best friend and room mate, Art major Castiel Novak, by the hand out to the quad before standing on a table and yelling, "I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at him as he announced, "My name is Dean Winchester, and that guy there" - he pointed - "is Castiel Novak, my room mate. I'm gay, and I am completely, head over heels in love with him, and we've been having the best sex of my life for months." He beamed and jumped off the table, kissing a shell-shocked Castiel to tumultuous applause.

September 18th was officially Dean's favourite day of the year.

* * *

Telling Dean's parents was easy, too.

"Mom! Dad! I'm gay and I'm dating Cas!" he hollered as he and Cas entered the house. Mary Winchester stuck her head out the kitchen doorway.

"That's lovely, dear. Are you staying for dinner?"

John walked in from the garage, wiping his hands on a cloth.

"Mary, did I hear Dean come -" he broke off, looking at Dean and Castiel's clasped hands, before gruffly saying, "About damn time."

During dinner, Sam kept looking over at where Dean and Castiel's hands were still holding one another under the table.

"Jo and I totally called it."

"Shut up bitch."

"Jerk."

And no one was a dick to them about it. Everything was great.

* * *

Okay, maybe Dean was a little bit gay.

But it's okay, because so was Castiel.


	26. Chapter 26

**If Dean had been driving, they wouldn't have been listening to Sam's crappy radio station. If they hadn't been listening to Sam's crappy radio station, they wouldn't have heard the song. And if they hadn't heard the song, they wouldn't have heard the letter, and Dean would have never been able to kiss Castiel.**

**Doesn't mean Sam's music taste doesn't still suck, though.**

**In which Castiel inadvertently co-wrote the song "Angel With a Shotgun", by writing on a napkin and abandoning it.**

* * *

**Idk, I really like the song "Angel With a Shotgun" by The Cab, and the lyrics literally scream Destiel. The lyrics in this fic are obviously from the song, which you should listen to if you haven't already. Not my normal music genre, but yeah. Disclaimer: I do not own the song Angel With A Shotgun, nor do I own Supernatural**

**And this was written for Francis, who has exams right now. I suck at cheering people up, so I wrote you this instead.**

* * *

**Angel With A Shotgun**

"Sammy, what the fuck is this?"

Dean knew it was a bad idea to let Sam drive. Firstly, Sam actually paid attention to the speed limit. Secondly, he pointedly ignored Dean's whining for them to stop and get burgers because apparently "you had a cheeseburger three hours ago, Dean!" was a legitimate reason.

Whatever.

Thirdly, Sam had terrible taste in music. He put on some random radio station, and Dean's Baby was tainted by the sound of a synthetic orchestra.

"_Seriously?!"_

"Driver picks the music, Dean! And I like this song, okay?"

Dean grumbled to himself as a voice began to sing, "_I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun..."_

"Oh, you gotta be freaking kidding me!"

"Dean!"

_"Get out your guns, battle's begun,_  
_are you a saint, or a sinner?_  
_If love's a fight, then I shall die,_  
_with my heart on a trigger."_

"Sammy, I cannot believe anyone related to me would listen to this bullcrap." Dean took great delight in how Sam's face reddened.

"Just listen to the song, okay? Then you can put on your 'totally overcompensating' hair metal."

_"They say before you start a war,_  
_you better know what you're fighting for._  
_Well baby, you are all that I adore,_  
_if love is what you need, a soldier I will be."_

"The hell do you mean, 'overcompensating?!'"

Sam let the chorus play before responding, allowing the lyrics to be heard.

_"I'm an angel with a shotgun,_  
_fighting 'til the war's won,_  
_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._  
_I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe._  
_Don't you know you're everything I have?_  
_..and I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight."_

"Do you honestly think I don't notice?" he finally asked. Dean frowned in complete bafflement.

"Notice what?"

_"Sometimes to win, you've got to sin,_  
_don't mean I'm not a believer._  
_..and major Tom, will sing along._  
_Yeah, they still say I'm a dreamer."_

"The way you look at Cas, like all the freaking time!"

"What?! I...I don't...dude, Cas is my friend!" Dean spluttered.

_"They say before you start a war,_  
_you better know what you're fighting for._  
_Well baby, you are all that I adore,_  
_if love is what you need, a soldier I will be."_

Sam shot him a Look, and Dean didn't say a word for the rest of the song, his knuckles whitening as he listened to what the band was singing.

_"I'm an angel with a shotgun.._  
_fighting 'til the war's won..  
I don't care if heaven won't take me back.."_

Sam continued to drive, pondering Dean's reaction. Did he honestly not realise how he and Castiel felt about one another? Sam was the one who had to put up with them for hours on end, and if the pair of them hadn't realised that they were madly in love with one another, Sam was just about ready to blow his brains out from the sheer amount of tension that radiated from the pair of them.

_"I'm an angel with a shotgun,_  
_fighting til' the war's won,_  
I don't care if heaven won't take me back.  
I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe.  
Don't you know you're everything I have?  
(I'm an angel with a shotgun)  
..and I, want to live, not just survive, tonight.  
(Live, not just survive)

..and I'm gonna hide, hide, hide my wings tonight."

Dean scowled out the window. Trust his younger brother to like a song that sounded exactly like Castiel had written it - if Castiel was prone to writing songs, and was in love with Dean. Which he wasn't, and Dean wasn't going to let himself think about how much it hurt that Castiel didn't love him and about how Dean was never, **ever** going to tell the dude how he felt, because that would just end in tears.

_"They say before you start a war,_  
_you better know what you're fighting for._  
Well baby, you are all that I adore,  
if love is what you need, a soldier I will be."

The song ended, and Sam saw Dean staring out the window blankly. A chirpy voice sounded over the radio, sounding far too happy for someone awake at 3am.

Wait, they were broadcasting from another timezone. Probably 7am there or something. Still a horrifying time to be awake at.

"And that was The Cab's hit song 'Angel With A Shotgun!' We hope you like it, because the band is here in the studio with us to talk about the inspiration for this song in particular. Now, boys," and here she addressed the band apparently sat with her, "there's a rumour going around that you found the inspiration from a napkin in a diner? What can you tell us about that?"

Dean, still in his own little world, made no move to change the station. Sam said nothing, and continued to listen.

"Well, Betty" - _BETTY?!_ - "That is actually true. We were hanging out in a diner one day, and we found this napkin - wait, I've got it with me here -" the sounds of rustling filled the car speakers "-yeah. It had this whole letter on it, kind of like a love letter, but really weird too. And we sourced most of the lyrics from it because it was just so amazing and heartfelt, but it never got given to whoever it was meant for. We also just changed around a few phrases, you know, to make it rhyme and also make it less personal because there's a lot of personal stuff in here and also stuff that makes absolutely no sense. We're thinking it's a whole unrequited love thing."

"That's adorable!" Betty squealed. "Care to read what it says?"

"Uhh, sure. I mean, it's addressed to someone, there's no last name though so...here you go, listeners;

Dean,

We have been through much together, you and I. I also wish to warn you; get your weapons ready. Battle is almost upon us. When we first met, I wasn't sure...I didn't know if you were the saint we were looking for, or if you had fallen so far into Hell that you were now a sinner yourself. I have heard you often say the phrase "All is fair in love and war". I now believe they are the same thing. Loving you is a constant fight, and I would gladly die for it, behind the trigger if need be.

Before I begin this fight, I've had to search for something worth fighting for. I've realised that you are the only one that I care for enough to fight for. You are someone who, from all of the pain you have had to go through, needs love. If I can give this to you through fighting, I will be a soldier once more for you.

Angels were not meant to carry shotguns, but you taught me how to use one. I shall fight with you, for you, until the end. Until this war is over. I know that Heaven will not take me back, but I don't care. I threw away everything I believed in for you, to keep you safe.

Sometimes I don't think you are even aware that you have become the one thing I have in this life. The one thing that has kept me going through it all. You have inspired me to live, and the experience what life has to offer, rather than merely exist. No matter what happens, I will always hold onto that desire.

My brothers and sisters tell me that I have lost my faith because I have sinned over and over in order to triumph. They are wrong. I still believe in true, just causes, and my father. I still dare to dream of a brighter hope for this planet. Mostly because of you. You have given me a reason to hope, Dean. You and your brother and your endless compassion and humanity.

I will not give this to you. You always said 'no chick flick moments', and this would definitely count. I just felt the need to write this down. Maybe this inconsequential napkin will care that tonight, I am going to lose my wings. The Grace I stole is running out today. I will be a human once again. I know you will not want me around even though you are the one I adore above God, but you need my love as a soldier of Heaven. So I shall not bother you once I cannot be one.

Goodbye, Dean. I love you. I need you.

Yours, Cas

Yeah, that's it. We have no idea who these people are, or what they're doing. We just found it on a napkin in Colorado. And we have this theory going that they're soldiers in the Middle East, or something, but yeah. That's where we got the idea for our song from-"

The radio was cut off by shaking hands. Sam glanced over at his big brother, who was white, staring at his shaking hands like he had no idea how they got there.

"Dean?"

"Pull over, Sam."

Sam pulled over to the side of the empty country road. Dean bolted out the car, pulling out his phone. Sam stayed, making sure he wouldn't have to get out and chase him. After a couple of minutes of fiddling with his phone, Dean returned.

"Sioux Falls. Jody Mills' place."

Sam checked. They were on the I-80, just outside of Denver, 40 minutes to Sterling. They could make it in just under ten hours if they drove non-stop. He floored it.

* * *

They arrived at the Sheriff's house, and Dean shot out, not bothering to shut off the engine (he had taken the wheel in Omaha, when Sam's eyelids had started to droop), barging through the open front door. Sam took care of it, and headed after his brother. He got to the front door just as he heard Dean saying, "where is he?!" to the terrified Jody. Jody pointed, and Dean raced into the kitchen. Sam had a perfect view of his brother grabbing the startled fallen angel, choking out, "you can't be assed returning my calls or telling us where the fuck you are, but you still have no fucking clue how to turn the GPS off on your phone?!"

Castiel, stunned, said, "Dean, I-" before Dean pulled him in and kissed him.

Dean was angry. No, Dean had been worried shitless for weeks, calling Castiel and the angel simply not picking up. According to the douchebag reading _his_ letter on _live radio, _it was because Castiel had gone full human and didn't think they wanted him around anymore. Fucking bullshit. The two of them had been trying to track him, Sam figuring out how to connect the GPS on Dean's phone to Castiel's, and using that to locate him. However, the trail had been sporadic and hard to follow - Castiel had been turning his phone off, reappearing in another state by the time Dean and Sam arrived to where he had last been. It had gone cold a week ago, in Denver, and Dean had searched the entire city before giving up. He'd decided to try again after hearing..._that..._on the radio, and tracked Castiel to Jody Mill's house, of all places.

Now, however, was not the time to be angry, because he was finally kissing Castiel and Castiel was kissing him back and Castiel loved him. Dean slotted his arms around Castiel's waist when he felt the smaller man relax into the kiss, reaching so that he could lock his arms around Dean's neck. He smiled against Castiel's mouth, which opened as he gasped, and Dean lovingly licked his way in, so that their tongues were finally exploring one another.

Someone cleared their throat beside them, and Dean reluctantly pulled away. Castiel's eyes were half-lidded as he smiled dreamily, still hanging onto Dean.

Sam and Jody stood in the doorway to the kitchen, Sam looking slightly grossed out as Jody raised her eyebrows.

"Anyone wanna tell me what's going on?" Jody demanded. Dean beamed at Castiel, who now looked as if reality was slapping him in the face.

"He's my angel with a shotgun," was all Dean could say before turning to Castiel. "I love you too," he said calmly. "And I need you, whether you're a human or not, you hear me?" Castiel's mouth dropped open.

"But you...I thought...you found that napkin?" his eyes were wide in bewilderment. Dean shook his head as Sam said loudly, "it was read out on the radio!"

Dean ignored his brother and opted for giving into the temptation to kiss Castiel again. They swayed on the spot from the force of kissing one another, and Jody and Sam went back into the lounge, Jody asking, "what the hell was that all about?"

* * *

**AN: Sorry if it sucked, I just had the idea "what if Dean heard the song? What if Castiel had written a part of it without knowing?"**

**So yeah.**

**I used Google Maps for their drive because I've never been to America so if I fucked that up I'm sorry.**


End file.
